Previewing ABC's Fall Schedule: In Shawn Ryan We Trust

ABC is the third network this week to release clips for all their new shows, and they actually look the worst. I don’t see a single potential break-out hit among them, although I see one — “Last Resort” — that will probably be great, but then cancelled within the first month. There are four new sitcoms (one OK, three bad), Shawn Ryan’s new show, Connie Britton’s country-music drama, Reba McEntire’s horrible plastic surgery, and Alyssa Milano in a few steamy sex scenes. Here are the clips, ranked again from first to worst.

Last Resort is a submarine thriller that stars Andre Braugher and comes from Shawn Ryan (“Terriers,” “The Unit,” “Shield”). What the hell else do you need to know? The clip doesn’t look great (and the voice-over narration is terrible), but, that’s always been the problem with Shawn Ryan television shows: The nitwit advertising departments don’t know how to properly market them. They try to extract the broad appeal in what are typically smartly written, character driven complex television shows. I guarantee you that “Last Resort” will be much better than the clip suggests. Just think “The Unit” in a submarine, and trade “Felicity’s” Ben for Noel.

Nashville is typically the last show on Earth I’d want to see, but Connie Britton’s presence makes it at least worth a look, even if the introductory clip is not particularly compelling. It’s about a washed-up country music star (Britton) who decided to go on tour with a young-up-and-coming auto-tuned country star (Hayden Panetierre) and their bitchy relationship together. It does not look great, I abhor country music, and the plotline is similar to Gwyenth’s country-music movie, Country Strong, which — spoiler alert — ends with Gwyneth killing herself. But, again: Connie Britton. She doesn’t sign on to crap, so this gets the benefit of the doubt.

How to Live with Your Parents for the Rest of Your Life has a great cast: Sarah Chalke, Elizabeth Perkins, the 7Up Guy, and the dude from “Everyone Loves Raymond” that I will always insist stole Judge Reinhold’s career. It’s about a single mother who moves back in with her parents, and with this cast, I can only hope it’s better than the clip looks. Sarah Chalke deserve a hit show, but I don’t think this one is going to be it.

666 Park Avenue is from the creators of “Gossip Girl” and “Pretty Little Liars,” which is all you really need to know in order to ignore it, except that Terry O’Quinn plays some kind of Satan. It’s a dark, dishy soap opera, and while it does’t look great, it looks just batsh*t enough that it might be fun to hate.

Mistresses is a mid-season replacement show that was supposed to air over this summer, but it’s been pushed to next summer. Frankly, I’ll be surprised if it ever airs. It’s another nighttime soap opera about, well, mistresses, and I have no intention of ever watching it, but I would like it to do well because I like existing in a world where Alyssa Milano takes off her clothes on television. The show will suck, but the GIFs will be divine. Also, it’s based on a UK show, which featured Anna Torv in a lesbian relationship. Those GIFs I’d also like to visit. (You’re welcome)

Zero Hour represents Anthony Edwards return to television for the first time since “E.R.” My colleague over on Pajiba summed it up perfect: National Treasure meets The DaVinci Code meets bleh. He may be overselling it.

Family Tools features J.K. Simmons and Adam Arkin, both of whom deserve so, so much better than this show, which also stars Leah Remini. It’s about a dude that takes over the family Mr. Fix-It business, and he’s very bad at it. It’s one of three remarkably bad looking sitcoms on ABC’s new slate.

Malibu Country stars Reba McEntire, her new face, Lily Tomlin, and a laugh track. I barely made it a minute into the clip, and yet … it’s not the worst-looking new show on the fall schedule.

The Neighbors is the 5th show in two years to get the “Modern Family” lead-in, and it won’t be the last. It stars Jami Gertz, and it’s about a normal family that moves to the suburbs only to find that all of their neighbors are aliens. I suppose they are trying to recapture the success of “3rd Rock from the Sun.” It’s not the 90s, however, and the show looks about as funny as a hangover. It won’t last more than 6 episodes. No. make that three.