Do you enjoy the popular HBO television show Game of Thrones, confusing wordplay, and aggressively not eating meat? You do?! Well then I have excellent news for you: the mad scientist behind Pornburger has created a Game of Thrones-themed vegetarian burger called “the Kaleesi.” Get it? Kale-esi.
“Moon of my Stars” … “Mother of Dragons” … Call this smoldering dinosaur kale burger what you will, just don’t call it weak. Smokey morsels of crisped shiitake “bacon,” crown a regal beet gratin, smothered in Red Dragon cheese on top of a crunchy, berberre-rubbed kale patty, heirloom tomato, and slathering of sumac aioli. Dracarys! (Translation: “F*ck raw horse heart!”)
Okay, so three things:
1) If you’re going to make a kale-based Game of Thrones burger, it should be called “the Kale Drogo.” It just rolls off the tongue better. Plus, it allows you to avoid a situation where you have to choose between (a) inserting a hyphen in the title — as I did in the headline — and risking the possibility that people won’t get that “Kale-esi” means Khaleesi, or (b) leaving it as is and getting yelled at by thousands of high-strung fans who think you misspelled the name of their beloved dragon warrior queen. So, yeah. Kale Drogo. Here to help.
2) No. Nope nope nope. And I don’t say that because I’m some meat-lovin’, man-cave-dwellin’ zealot, either. Eat whatever the hell you want, I say, plant-based or otherwise. It’s just that … it just doesn’t fit. Game of Thrones is a show that is fully committed to violent murder, and horse decapitation, and occasional arm-roasting. Turning that into a veggie burger just feels wrong, like a Mad Men virgin cocktail or a Justified, uh … a Justified … reverse … gun? Crap. I’ll work on that last one and get back to you.
3) More like this plz, Pornburger.