While most of you suffered through graduation speeches from former deans and, ugh, SENATORS, University of Virginia students were treated to remarks from none other than Stephen Colbert. For over 17 minutes, The Colbert Report host discussed UVA’s high party school ranking in Playboy (“I only read Playboy for the rankings”), the university’s ousted then rehired president (“I want to thank president Teresa Sullivan. You are way better than that last president, Teresa Sullivan, she was terrible”), and self-obsessed millennials (“Your generation needs everything to be about you…and that’s very upsetting to us baby boomers because self-absorption is kind of our thing”).
But Colbert saved his most inspiring material for the end: “I believe we have given you a gift, a particular form of independence,” he said, referring to the Steely Dan demographic, “because you do not owe the previous generation anything. Thanks to us, you owe it to the Chinese.” Haha, we’re doomed. Hear the whole thing below.