Stephen Colbert Imagines An Even More Optimistic, Food-Filled Ad For John Kasich

Following the game-changing Republican primary in Indiana on Tuesday, Stephen Colbert’s fake ad for presidential candidate John Kasich seems even more far-fetched than it already was. That’s because the Late Show host opened with a joke about how the Ohio Governor’s delegate count was still trailing junior Florida Senator Marco Rubio, who pulled out of the race five weeks ago. After Ted Cruz announced his own campaign suspension after losing Indiana to Donald Trump, however, it seems Kasich’s count is lower than two quitters.

“It’s like the old saying,” Colbert joked. “Quitters never win, but they still beat John Kasich.”

The latest development should keep the Late Show writers busy all day Wednesday, for the optimistic fake ad they produced for Kasich’s campaign requires one minor addition. The fact that, despite Cruz’s departure from the primary race, Kasich isn’t going anywhere. For as Kasich campaign manager Ben Hansen told supporters in an email, “It’s up to us to stop Trump and unify our party in time to defeat Hillary Clinton.” That sounds a tad bit overconfident, no?

According to the original ad, which was created by a Kasich Super PAC called the New Day Independent Media Committee, there still exists a scenario in which the 1,237 delegates necessary to secure the Republican nomination decide to abandon their previous promises and vote for the governor. That’s a pretty ballsy move, to be sure, but Colbert’s team thinks Kasich’s supporters should take things a step further and imagine a scenario in which he does more than win the nomination. A scenario in which the 63-year-old politician serves five terms, continues eating everything within reach, and repels “the spider beasts from space.”

Anyone willing to destroy any and all spiders deserves at least a few more nonsense ads on late night comedy shows.

(Via Late Show with Stephen Colbert and CNN)