TV

The ‘Succession’ Seven: A Redheaded Phoenix Rises From The Ashes

The Succession Seven is a weekly power ranking of people and things on television’s most power-obsessed show. The rankings are not scientific, not even a little, and could fluctuate wildly from week to week. It’s all very subjective. And it’s my list. So, there.

UNRANKED

Tom — I love Tom very much and sometimes I wish we’d get an entire Tom Prequel Episode but I cannot in good faith place him in the listings proper after a week in which his most notable action was failing to get Rhea to stick her hand down his pants.

Squiggle — I have this image in my head of a very coked-up Kendall calling his boy Squiggle at the 4:15 AM with an urgent request for a beat and Squiggle, without a moment’s hesitation, saying “I got you, son.”

Ewan — I like that Ewan just showed up at his brother’s fancy gala so he could talk shit in person repeatedly. The Roy brothers hate each other as much as the Gallagher brothers. I would pay good money to hear them perform “Wonderwall.”

Connor — Connor is the least self-aware of the Roy children and buddyyyyyyyyy that is saying something.

Sam the Ratfucker — I kind of wish we had never seen Sam’s face on the plane in that one episode because it would be more fun if he were just this mysterious never-seen assassin who was dispatched to solve problems.

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