The Rundown is a weekly column that highlights some of the biggest, weirdest, and most notable events of the week in entertainment. The number of items could vary, as could the subject matter. It will not always make a ton of sense. Some items might not even be about entertainment, to be honest, or from this week. The important thing is that it’s Friday, and we are here to have some fun.
ITEM NUMBER ONE – Which one of you will buy the Cousin Greg puke dog?
I have terrific news for anyone who enjoys prestige television and collecting weird trinkets that cost a lot of money: There’s a Succession memorabilia auction going on right now. It’s been going on all week, actually, and as of this writing, there are only a few days left to get your bids in. But that means there’s still time. You might have to dip into savings or sell some semi-important organs, but you have options. That’s the point here.
The items up for auction are a wild collection, too. Real weirdo stuff. Want some of the outfits the characters wore, like the flashy gold jacket Alexander Skarsgard had on one time, or the fancy business suit Shiv is wearing in the image at the top of this post? Those are in there. How about Kendall Roy’s driver’s license or Roman Roy’s diploma from USC? I can’t in a million years imagine why you would want either but, yup, they’re in there, too. Click around a while. Look at the bids on some of these things. People are very excited.
There is one item that stands out, though. To me, at least. Again, I can’t imagine why anyone would want to spend… holy crap, it’s up to almost $3,000 as I type this, but whatever. Not my money. Look at this.
And look at the description:
Succession (HBO® Original, 2018-2023) Nicholas Braun “Greg Hirsch” Doderick Costume from Season 1, Episode 1: “Celebration”. Original (7) piece “Doderick” dog costume includes (1) Dog head, (1) Fur body suit with back zip/whopper popper/snap closure, (1) Foam stomach pad, (1) Vest with tie, (1) Pair of clip on fur hand gloves, (1) Pair of Dragon Do ankle wraps with clip on attachments, and (1) Pair of dog fur shoes. This highly visible costume was worn by Greg Hirsch (Nicholas Braun) in the pilot episode during his first day on the job at Waystar Adventure Parks.
Okay, here’s the thing: Yes, this is all accurate. Cousin Greg did wear this costume in the pilot episode. But that’s not what makes it so notable. What makes it so notable is that this happened while he was wearing it.
A few things are worth pointing out here:
- Heritage Auctions should be ashamed of themselves for not pointing this out in the official description
- Imagine you go to hang out with a buddy you haven’t seen in a while and he’s got a full dog costume prominently displayed in the corner of his living room and he proudly explains it by saying “That’s the actual costume Cousin Greg puked through the eyeholes of in Succession”
- Now imagine him explaining it to someone who has never heard of Succession
This fascinates me. I want to read an interview with the person who places the highest bid on this. I want to know… everything about it. Hell, I’ll conduct the interview. If you know (or are) the person who wins this, please contact me. I am not joking. It’s mostly for my own curiosity but I’ll publish the transcript, too. For the people. And so I can count it as work. For a lot of reasons.
I hope it smells a little like puke.
ITEM NUMBER TWO – Dave Foley should be in more things
Most of the chatter about this season of Fargo has centered on things like Jon Hamm’s nipple rings and Juno Temple going full Kevin McAllister and Jennifer Jason Leigh’s fascinating unplaceable accent, which is… kind of fair, actually. Those are all things worth talking about. I’ll talk about any of them this weekend if you see me out and about and I’m not too busy. But we should also be talking about Dave Foley because Dave Foley is awesome.
Foley plays Danish Graves, a lawyer for Jennifer Jason Leigh’s character who is ruthless and silly and wears a sparkly eyepatch. I don’t think he’s been my favorite character this season, only because, like, every other character is so good, too, but also I have gotten excited every time he’s popped up. Like in the early part of this week’s episode — which I will not spoil for a bunch of reasons, some relevant to our discussion here — when he walked out of a debate and popped his collar a little, as you can see in the GIF above.
And like in an even earlier part of this week’s episode — for other reasons I will also not spoil — where he helped this man with a name change at the courthouse.
I should point out here that the man was changing his name from John Sasquatch, not to John Sasquatch. I should also point out that this particular fact had nothing to do with anything. It was just a little throw-in. A treat for Brian. I appreciate it.
Anyway, the big thing here is the thing I said in the heading for this section: Dave Foley should be in more things. He’s always good in the things he’s in and he has been for many decades now. Let’s get him in more stuff. Let him play the hotel manager in a season of The White Lotus. That would be a good start.
ITEM NUMBER THREE – Okay, I will watch the final season of La Brea
I am admittedly very behind on La Brea, the NBC time travel science fiction show where… things happened… and then there were… dinosaurs… in California. I’m actually kind of fuzzy on how it all happened now, in part because I skipped the second season and in part because it really was a lot. But I might go ahead and just jump right back in for the third and final season next week, if only because of the quotes in this preview at TV Line.
Look at this.
As La Brea Season 2 came to a close, myriad auroras had appeared in the sky, allowing people (and, yes, dinosaurs!) from other eras to drop in on 10,000 B.C. When Season 3 kicks off on Tuesday, Jan. 9 at 9/8c, the Clearing that the survivors have called home since tumbling through the L.A. sinkhole is destroyed by a dino-brawl, leaving Gavin, Levi et al to find a new place to live.
LOOK AT THIS.
“So many dinosaurs,” Macken elaborates. “Think of all the dinosaurs you ever thought of in your life, and they’re all in there.”
“We’ve got time travel, dinosaurs, romance, death…. All sorts of stuff,” Macken declares.
Reasonable arguments can be made that all I’ve ever asked for out of a television show is “time travel, dinosaurs, romance, and death.” Yes, I will give this new season of La Brea a shot. I hope other shows take note of this. It could really liven up the next season of The Righteous Gemstones.
ITEM NUMBER FOUR – Shoutout to this lady
Benny Safdie sat down for a big sit-down with Variety this week, one that covered a wide range of topics. Topics like:
- His split from his creative partner and brother Josh
- The new movie he’s making with The Rock
- Various things relating to Uncut Gems and the frenzy the movie caused
It’s a good read. Bookmark it for the weekend if you haven’t read it yet and don’t have time over lunch today. But the thing I want to highlight is this passage about the creation of his newest show, The Curse.
For “The Curse,” Safdie teamed up with “Nathan for You” mastermind Fielder, whose comedic brand is awkwardness, after the pair met up for bagels in 2016 as fans of each other’s work. Over the next two years, they continued hanging out, with no plans to make a television series, when Fielder told Safdie a story about when he moved from Canada to Los Angeles: He was walking into a cellphone store when a woman outside asked him for money. When Fielder said he didn’t have any, she replied, “I curse you.” The words shook Fielder, so after buying his phone he went to an ATM, brought her $20 and asked, “Is the curse gone?” She smiled and said yes.
It left Safdie wondering: “What if she wasn’t there? Your life is potentially over because you’ll never see her again.”
I’m going to start doing this. Just announcing that I’m placing a curse on people unless they give me $20. I know it won’t work most of the time, but when it does… hey, $20. Solid little hustle. Worth a shot.
ITEM NUMBER FIVE – Something incredible happened on For All Mankind
Three things need to be noted here…
THING NUMBER ONE: I could explain everything that happened that led up to the line of dialogue in that screencap. I could tell you all about the Apple TV show’s third season and various alternate history subplots about Mars colonies and labor struggles and the mining of wildly valuable space minerals and how it all led to this. But I’m not going to for a very simple reason: I do not want to. I would rather just let this screencap speak for itself. It’s kind of perfect as it already is. I can’t risk ruining that with my C+ summary of the journey to get there. This is too important.
THING NUMBER TWO: This line of dialogue happened at the very end of the seventh episode and — I swear to God this is true, even if it sounds like something I would make up — was immediately followed by the opening notes of “X Gon Give It To Ya” by DMX, which then played over the credits. You cannot imagine how happy this made me when I first saw it. Maybe you can. I’m smiling again now just thinking about it.
THING NUMBER THREE: I wish DMX were still alive today just to see his reaction when someone explained all of this to him.
I love television.
READER MAIL
If you have questions about television, movies, food, local news, weather, or whatever you want, shoot them to me at brian.grubb@uproxx.com (put “RUNDOWN” in the subject line). I am the first writer to ever answer reader mail in a column. Do not look up this last part.
From Anna:
I am probably the 100th person to send this to you but I can’t risk you missing it while you’re on your end-of-year internet hiatus.
What do you think he was doing? Hot water heist?
Okay, so first of all, Anna sent this with a link to the NPR story about Pierce Brosnan getting arrested at Yellowstone over the holidays, which, yes, very many people sent to me over the last few weeks because the brand I’ve crafted online is so massively stupid. Every word of that sentence is delightful. Here’s the relevant passage.
Actor Pierce Brosnan could be facing possible jail time after allegedly walking in Yellowstone National Park’s hydrothermal areas in violation of federal law, according to court documents.
Brosnan is facing citations of “foot travel in all thermal areas and w/in Yellowstone Canyon confined to trails” and “violating closures and use limits,” the court record shows.
Criminal charges were filed against the Irish actor in Wyoming on Tuesday.
And that’s all great. I mean, it’s not great if you are Pierce or the people tasked with guarding the hydrothermal areas of our national parks, but I suspect you are neither of those things just based on the odds. So it’s great. But it gets better. Please read the opening paragraph of the AP story about it.
Pierce Brosnan, whose fictitious movie character James Bond has been in hot water plenty of times, is now facing heat in real life, charged with stepping out of bounds in a thermal area during a recent visit to Yellowstone National Park.
I want to find whoever wrote that and kiss them right on the mouth.
AND NOW, THE NEWS
To Orlando!
A Central Florida woman came home to a bizarre disappearing act. She said her driveway went missing in the middle of the day.
Wait. That can’t be right. Her driveway’s gone?
“My driveway’s gone,” she said.
Fair enough.
The homeowner isn’t exaggerating. She said someone took her driveway as she was trying to get ready for Christmas
What used to be a concrete slab outside of her Orlando-area home is now a patch of dirt.
I know the Florida thing has been beaten into the ground over a decade of internet jokes but, I’m sorry, someone getting their entire driveway stolen from the front of the house they live in is maybe the most Florida thing I’ve ever seen.
That sight even left Rocki Sanchez, Brochu’s real estate agent, at a loss for words.
“Utter shock. I’ve never seen this before. I’ve never had this happen to myself or anyone in our office,” said Sanchez.
Two things here:
- Rocki Sanchez
- I would happily pay $7.99 for an audio record of this phone call
Moving on.
Sanchez believes Brochu is the victim of a scam, but neither woman knows what the scam is.
“I had multiple people come forward saying that they’ve seen things like this happen — whether it be driveways, roofs, painting, even outside the exterior,” said Sanchez. “So it happens more often than we actually see it.”
Make this the plot of the next Knives Out movie. Cast Aubrey Plaza as Rocki Sanchez. I would watch it tonight.
