Poor Ann Curry. She’s too cerebral for her own good. Before the departure of Meredith Vieira, Curry was a very adept news reader on the “Today” show, but once she was asked to interact with guests and banter with Matt Lauer, she crumbled. The problem, unfortunately, is that Ann Curry has no chemistry. There’s some debate about whether she has a soul. She may in fact be the original prototype for Michael Fassbender’s David character in Prometheus, before they figured out how to implant the android with a sense of humor. Unfortunately for Curry, people in the morning want to be JAZZED by frivolous small-talk and PUNCHED IN THE GUT with pep.
That’s why, according to the New York Times, NBC is having super-secret meetings about replacing Ann Curry as co-anchor (not so secret now, I guess). They are expected to sh*tcan her before the beginning of the Summer Olympics because NBC doesn’t want Curry’s fumbling attempts at morning-show puns to taint the only chance that NBC has of people actually watching the network.
Savannah Guthrie — who hosts the 9 a.m. hour — is the front-runner to take the position, although here are 5 Better (Hotter) Candidates to fill the post.
Amy Robach — The former host of the weekend edition of “The Today Show,” Robach — who is engaged to Andrew Shue — recently departed for a correspondent gig over on ABC. She’s probably under contract, but if NBC could break it, she’s the ideal replacement: Super smart, very charismatic, incredibly attractive, and knows her way around the “Today” show set.
Erin Andrews — Primarily a sports reporter, Andrews has shown some versatility in some Oscar coverage for “Good Morning America” in 2011. She’s smart, she’s effervescent, and she’d be great at Olympics coverage. Also, she’s very pretty.
Erin Burnett — She has a long history with CNBC (although, she’s now on CNN), and she has a brilliant understanding of politics and the economy (in fact, she began her career as a Goldman Sachs financial analyst). Like Curry, she’s very cerebral, but unlike Curry, she has an actual soul. In a news environment currently obsessed with the economy, she’s kind of perfect.
Courtney Friel — Friel is currently an anchor over on Fox News (I won’t hold that against her), and while she doesn’t have years and years of news experience, she has some as a local news anchor and a “Court TV” host (she also hosted the World Poker Tour). She’s a veteran entertainment and sports reporter, and really, how much news do you need to know to be the co-anchor of a morning show? It’s mostly celebrity reporting and human interest stories, and that’s what Friel is accomplished in. She’s also posed for Maxim and FHM, but THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HER INCLUSION. Ahem.
Melissa Stark — Who could be better at replacing Ann Curry before the Olympics than the MSNBC host of the 2008 Beijing Olympics? She knows foreign policy (she has a degree in foreign affairs), she’s already worked as a National Correspondent for the “Today” show, and she did sideline reporting for “Monday Night Football.” If you’re going to make a strong effort to build ratings, you may as well find a co-anchor that can draw some men away from Sportscenter in the morning.