Pete Holmes Fires Cyclops From The X-Men For Trying Too Hard To Look Cool

The Pete Holmes Show posted a new “Ex-Men” segment in which Professor X insults and fires mutants like Storm, Rogue, Nightcrawler, Iceman, Jubilee, Angel, Gambit, and Wolverine. Now he’s firing Cyclops, played (as Iceman was) by Zach Cregger from Whitest Kids U’ Know, a guy we’ll always remember as the best Abraham Lincoln.

Professor X isn’t firing Cyclops for having a bad power, per se, but for the more serious infraction of showering with his sunglasses on and looking like he’s on his way to a bachelor party at a Hooters. His questions about Scott’s special glasses — and what could happen if the flimsy-looking things were to fall off — lead up to this exchange.

“Do they even have some sort of chain on the back so if they were to fall off, you could find them quickly?”

“No, that would not look cool.”

“Oh. ‘Why’d that orphanage get leveled?’ ‘Scott didn’t want to look like a dork.'”

A fair point, but this next part may have been too harsh.

“The moment you were born, we should have cut your head off. You were a message from God that he doesn’t love us.”