Until I get the world’s first GIF tattoo, I’m going to make 47-year-old Harrison Morgan’s treadmill spill from Sunday’s episode of Dexter my laptop background. It makes me so happy, and my wife already said to turning it into a poster to hang above the bed. Women, am I right? Anyway, yesterday, I suggested that the world start using “Slipping on the Treadmill,” a supersized Jumping the Shark, for when a crappy show gets even crappier. #sott hasn’t trended on Twitter yet, so until it does, let’s think of some other Jump the Shark-esque terms for terrible TV.
After the jump are 10 suggestions for shorthand phrases we should start using for when, say, an otherwise great sci-fi show dedicates an entire episode to black markets and space prostitutes. It’s not as good as it sounds.
Tracking the Sophia (The Walking Dead)
For when a show spends seemingly dozens of episodes caring about a character no one cares about.
Blacking the market (Battlestar Galactica)
For when a show tries to become something it isn’t, i.e. a 1940s film noir. Also, SPACE PROSTITUTES.
Burning the Agrestic (Weeds)
For when a show changes settings, and the characters change with it. Not for the better, either.
Spotting the cougar (24)
For when a show that relies on silly plot developments comes up with the stupidest of ideas.
Fishing the Biscuit (Lost)
For when at least one character is trapped in a boring setting for far too long (see: Under the Dome, too.)
Educating the Malcolm (Malcolm in the Middle)
For when a sitcom goes for the “awwww” moment rather than the one that makes sense. (Sidenote: I’m still pissed at the Malcolm finale. HEY LOIS, IF YOUR SON GETS AN AMAZING JOB OFFER AFTER GRADUATING HIGH SCHOOL, HE DOESN’T HAVE TO GO TO COLLEGE AND PAY TENS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS IN STUDENT LOANS. JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK HE’S GOING TO BE PRESIDENT DOESN’T MEAN BOOM HE’S THE PRESIDENT. MY PARENTS WANTED ME TO BE AN ASTRONAUT GROWING UP, AND NOW LOOK AT ME, I’M WRITING ABOUT MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE IN ALL CAPS. GRR.)
Killing the Alligator (The Simpsons)
For when a show doesn’t look at itself in the mirror and ask, “Do we really need this Joe C. cameo?”
Ditching the Santiago (Friday Night Lights)
For when a recurring character is erased from the face of the Earth, never to be heard from again.
Winning the Lotto (Roseanne)
For when a show completely scrubs away its original premise, because $$$.
Losing the Mulder (The X-Files)
For when an essential character leaves, yet the show keeps going on and on and on.