Saturday Night Live (NBC, Saturday) – I wish I could hate Justin Timberlake more. I can’t do it. As Matt touched on, expectations run higher for episodes he hosts, so hopefully it’ll be a good one. And if the latest promos with Lady Gaga are any indication (after the jump), she’s a pretty good sport about things, too. A weird, weird sport who occasionally wears penis shoes.
The Simpsons/Family Guy (Fox, Sunday) – Season finales. Last summer, one of the local FOX affiliates I get started playing two episodes a day of “The Simpsons” in chronological order starting at Season 1. This was not unpleasant at all.
Celebrity Apprentice (NBC, Sunday) – I’m really starting to wonder if Donald Trump heard about that one time I called Kid Rock “the biggest sh*thead in the history of sh*t or heads” and decided to go out and prove me wrong.
The Preakness Stakes (NBC, Saturday) – Notable for two reasons, both involving me wanting to puke: 1) I used to go to The Preakness every year in college, drink until I died, then do a litany of things I immediately regretted. 2) It’s five years since Barbaro broke his leg at the race, so expect A TON of stories featuring somber reporters, tears, and tinkling pianos.
Billboard Music Awards (ABC, Sunday) – Hosted by Ken Jeong, and featuring millions of musicians (sic). I can’t even fathom how old this show will make me feel.
Hogs Gone Wild (Discovery, Sunday) – So help me God, this is TV Guide’s description of this show: “An exotic game ranch in Texas, a Florida widow’s backyard, and a Hawaiian locale have hog issues.” HOG ISSUES!
Game of Thrones/The Killing/The Borgias/Doctor Who/Whatever Else Your Little Heart Desires (Check Your Local Listings) – There are lots of other great shows that I’m out of jokes about. Some of them feature horses being brutally slaughtered. Hey, would you look at that? Two Barbaro mentions.