What the Heck Was That, 'SNL'?

Senior Pop Culture Editor
03.04.12 46 Comments

Lindsay Lohan was NOT ready to host last night’s holy-crap-that-was-terrible “SNL.”

That became clear rather quickly into her tone-deaf Opening Monologue (which even Jon Hamm and Jimmy Fallon couldn’t save), and it only got worse from there. There wasn’t a single sketch worth remembering, and Lohan (who I otherwise like — Mean Girls is the sh*t, and I’m surprised Tina Fey didn’t make an appearance) didn’t earn back any of the comedic credibility she’s lost over the past five years. She did a piss poor job reading off her cue cards, particularly in “Scared Straight” (which doesn’t need any help not being funny), and kept tripping over her words. The writers must have realized how ill-prepared she was during during the week, which would explain why the sketches felt half-formed and two already-aired commercials ran again late in the episode.

But remember how good the Maya Rudolph episode was!

(SCHEDULING NOTE: from now on, we’re going to publish “SNL” recaps on Sunday. I’ll do my best to have them ready by noon, so we can make fun of Kenan Thompson as we’re eating brunch!)

Politics aside, I don’t want Mitt Romney to become our next President because I can’t imagine four more years of this one-note joke about Romney being a one-note robot. Can we elect Kid Rock instead? Or maybe Shepard Smith’s skeleton mom? Also: who’s the guy between Taran Killam and Bobby Moynihan?

There were a few decent jokes in there — eating Abu, sleeping with Iago, etc. — and Nasim Pedrad looked mighty pretty as Jasmine, but the sketch went on for way too long (shocker!). Plus, the “Real Housewives of Blah-Blah” is such an easy target that it’s not worth parodying.

One joke, stretched far too thin. It also looked far too similar to the “Adult Video Awards” sketch from earlier this season, but that at least had the benefit of Tony Dingle or Susan St. Nips.

“Oh good, another installment of Scared Straight!” — No one.

The idea of Lindsay Lohan playing prison Lindsay Lohan wasn’t a bad one, but there was nothing about this installment of “Scared Straight” that separated it from the other seven times it’s appeared on the show. Except for Lohan’s TERRIBLE cue card-reading. Girl looked terrified.

Probably the funniest sketch of the night, which is intended as the most mixed of compliments. I’m mostly just including it because hey! Jon Hamm!

What…was that? There wasn’t a joke in there. A guy dressed as a girl keeps getting hit by cars because she wants to dance in the middle of the street because she’s a rebel? That’s not a funny premise to base a sketch around, and the execution was just as awful as you’d imagine. Yowza, Abby Elliott, though. Yowza.

It’s been some time since a Digital Short has blown up the Internet. The last one to do so was “3-Way (The Golden Rule)” from last season’s finale. “Afros” will not blow up the Internet.

Kristen Wiig playing the same character she’s played a billion times before.

Nope, still not funny.

CRITICAL ANALYSIS: I liked how short it was.

Jack White was pretty great.

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