What Why No Go Away Please

08.16.11 20 Comments

Fresh off the delightful news that her show on TLC was being canceled, the big question on everyone’s mind is what’s next for America’s Sweetheart, Kate Gosselin. Well FEAR NOT everyone, I have some baseless speculation! Well, maybe not “baseless.” More just “stupid and dumb.” Oh hey, speaking of stupid and dumb, here’s what Kate Gosselin tweeted about her future plans:

I can’t wait2have the chance2challenge myself again w future endeavors!… And maybe even some dating??!!

Entertainment Weekly decoded that nonsense to mean something about dating, so they contacted the producer from “The Bachelor” for some unknown reason, who had this to say:

“Kate Gosselin? Sounds like a perfect fit for Bachelor Pad,” he wrote. “Or, H8R…”

Ok. No. NO. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. We finally got this lady off TV, and you’re already making plans to put her back on? Come on, fella. You gotta let the wounds heal a little bit first. That said, I’ve come to terms with the fact that Kate Gosselin will be back on TV at some point, so allow me to make the following suggestions:

1) “Kate Gosselin’s Pie in the Face Variety Hour” – Kind of like “America’s Got Talent,” where variety acts go up on stage and perform a 2-3 minute routine of their choosing. But instead of being judged by a panel of washed up celebrities and ornery British people, every act just throws a pie in Kate Gosselin’s face when they’re done.

2) “Douche Bachelor” – Jon Gosselin chooses from twenty women to select his ideal mate. Kate Gosselin appears every 2-3 episodes to give her opinion on the women, and then everyone throws a pie in her face.

3) “H8R” – Admittedly, having Kate on the show where celebrities are matched up with their most adamant detractors wasn’t a terrible idea. Tons of people hate her. You could auction off the spot on the show to 4-5 people for a small fortune, and donate all the proceeds to charity. Then, naturally, BOOM pies in the face.

I think you see where I’m headed with this.

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