30 Rock (NBC, 8 p.m.) — Season premiere. I mean, jeez, it’s the only reason we watch the show.
The Big Bang Theory (CBS, 8 p.m.) — Or, what not to watch when 30 Rock‘s on.
Person of Interest (CBS, 9 p.m.) — Evidently some character with the name Finch has disappeared? I only mention this because I wanted to watch this video of Finchy from The Office. Respect your elders.
The Office (NBC, 9 p.m.) — “Dwight teaches a language to Erin,” specifically, Dothraki, and now everyone’s imagining as Ellie Kemper as Khaleesi, aren’t they? Yeah. Anyway, this is the second NBC Thursday night show to reference Game of Thrones, but unless Up All Night decides to dedicate an episode to that time when the boring white guy sat down and didn’t do anything for, roughly, 22 minutes, then we’ll never get all four.
Parks and Recreation (NBC, 9:30 p.m.) — Lucy Lawless drops by as a woman that Ron falls for head over…whatever the manly man version of heels are. Some kind of ugly brown boot covered in beer, blood, semen, and pictures of various meats in large cones?
Elementary (CBS, 10 p.m.) — The season premiere wasn’t that bad. It’s no Sherlock, but it’s also no every other drama on CBS that isn’t The Good Wife. Someone’s going to write a really good essay about Lucy Liu and her freckles some day, and I will read it.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Craig Ferguson and Anna Kendrick on Letterman; Ben Affleck and Octavia Spencer on Leno; Zac Efron and Tenacious D on Kimmel; Roseanne Barr on Ferguson; Daniel Craig, Archie Panjabi, and Animal Collective on Fallon; Jenny McCarthy, J.J. Abrams, and Slash on Conan; Bill O’Reilly on Stewart; and Dr. George Church on Colbert.