Scandal (ABC, 9:00 p.m.) — They’re together. They break up. They’re together. They break up. Olivia and Fitz are either together or they’re broken up. If they’re together, they’re probably going to break up. If they’re broken up, they’re probably going to get back together. You know this number by now.
How to Get Away With Murder (ABC, 10:00 p.m.) — Annalise and Co. are back in the season two winter premiere of HTGAWM. She’s having a rougher go of it now, ya know, because that’s what typically happens when you get shot.
You, Me and the Apocalypse (NBC, 8:00 p.m.) — The thing about townspeople is that they travel in packs and they’re always angry. Father Jude and Sister Celine step in to save one girl from a terrible fate that probably included torches and pitchforks.
Portlandia (IFC, 10:00 p.m.) — The TSA meets the Academy when you’ve got to walk a red carpet to get through airport security.
Baskets (FX, 10:00 p.m.) — Easter is the worst day of the year to go out to brunch, with Mother’s Day and Father’s Day following close behind. Either way, the family drama boils over at Easter brunch because rodeo clowns are people, too.
Workaholics (Comedy Central, 10:00 p.m.) — Blake’s new girlfriend is, like, the only millennial on the planet who’s got a problem with the mary-ja-wanna.
The Blacklist (NBC, 9:00 p.m.) — There was an old lady who wasn’t so swell. I’m not so sure why she wasn’t so swell. Perhaps it’s that she lives in the woods and pushes children into a well.
Shades of Blue (NBC, 10:00 p.m.) — J. Lo’s sh*tty batterer of an ex-husband has the nerve to call in a favor while Ray Liotta keeps trying to smoke out the rat.
Big Bang Theory (CBS, 8:00 p.m.) — Since the dawn of man, has there ever been an instance in which someone was pleasantly surprised by something they found in a hot tub? Howard and Bernadette test this hypothesis.
DC Legends of Tomorrow (The CW, 8:00 p.m.) — Vandal Savage is snatching up nuclear scientists and the team is in hot pursuit as he tries to disappear behind the Iron Curtain.
American Idol (FOX, 8:00 p.m.) — The judges vote somebody off the island or give out roses or whatever it is they do to let viewers know that only some of the people on the show are worthy of their time moving forward.
Life in Pieces (CBS, 8:30 p.m.) — If you’re going to surprise your partner with a romantic Valentine’s Day tattoo, it’s probably best if you make sure that your tattoo artist isn’t eating a Milky Way why they work.
Mom (CBS, 9:00 p.m.) — Joe Manganiello pops by AA to inadvertently distract Cristy while Allison Janney gets all dolled up to attend a gala. Fingers-crossed that she’ll break out “The Jackal.”
The 100 (The CW, 9:00 p.m.) — Turns out that actin’ a fool is part of the grieving process and Jasper’s hitting that step hard. Like, rill hard.
London Spy (BBCA, 10:00 p.m.) — There’s some trouble brewing as Danny learns about a new dimension of Alex’s life.
Elementary (CBS, 10:00 p.m.) — Holmes is asked to plan and execute a nearly impossible heist, so he’s basically living every normal person’s dream.
Colony (USA, 10:00 p.m.) — Geronimo reveals himself and Will comes, like, two steps short of installing a keystroke recording program on Katie’s gadgets.
Idiotsitter (Comedy Central, 10:30 p.m.) — Either the main house is being fumigated or Heisenberg is cooking up some glass. Either way, Billie and Gene are relegated to the guest house in the meantime.
Late Night Guests:
The Late Show With Stephen Colbert — Fred Armisen, Sarah McDaniel and Ty Segall & The Muggers
Conan — Carl Reiner, Jacob Tremblay and Emily King
The Late Late Show With James Corden — Chiwetel Ejiofor, Grace Helbig, Jake Lacy and Albert Hammond Jr.
The Daily Show — Ben Stiller
The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon — Kristen Wiig, Bob Odenkirk and Elle King
Jimmy Kimmel Live — Owen Wilson, Khloe Kardashian and Alessia Cara
Late Night With Seth Meyers — Susan Sarandon, Alison Brie and Katie Nolan