The Bloody, Battered Superheroes of Boneface
Simon Phoenix talking to himself: A Demolition Man supercut

Footloose is about line dancing now

By / 06.21.11

Don't tell mah derp, da derpy derp a-derp, da Derp. Derp. Derp. A-derpy derrrr...



One of the immutable laws of network television these days is that if a show is about singing and/or dancing, the old people who still watch network TV will love it (the Flyover States seem to have a real love-hate relationship with the gays).  Thus it’s not surprising that someone wanted to remake the singin’-and-dancin’ 1984 classic, Footloose. At first the plan was have it star Hollywood super twink Zac Efron, with tiny dog lover Kenny Ortega directing.  Then Efron left and was replaced with eyebrowier twink Chace Crawford.  Then Ortega left, and that fell through, and now Black Snake Moan‘s Craig Brewer is directing, because I guess he needed the money.  Here we have the first batch of pictures, starring Efron/Crawford’s replacement, box office megastar, uh… Kenny Wormald.  Seriously, Kenny Wormald.  That’s his name.  It sounds like the fictional name you’d give to your third choice.  But from the looks of it, he can sure, uh… wear sunglasses.  This dude is so cool, he doesn’t have TIME to hem his seams. OR wear shirts under his hoodies. Hey, man, that’s, like, your grandpa’s trip.
Oh hey look, Andie McDowell is still alive.  And it looks like she’s married to the hollowed out shell of Dennis Quaid.

Nice to see Hollywood’s conception of “rebel” has evolved so much throughout the years.  This looks like an adult Halloween costume you’d buy in a plastic bag marked “REBEL.”

Son, I hope you grow up to be a Hollywood agent, so you can take me far, far from here.

I DON’T WANT, YER LAHFE!

“What’s up, Bro.  Name’s Cody.  Can you teach me how to do that Twilight thing with my hair?”

Tuck in your pockets, whore.

Uh, I’m here for the vampire baseball?  Wait, which why is Forks, Washington?
This is OUR time!  That’s why we’re going to remake movies from the 80s and drive cars from the 60s!
[via IMDB, MTV]
 


TAGSANDIE MCDOWELLCRAIG BREWERDENNIS QUAIDFOOTLOOSEJULIANNE HOUGHKENNY WORMALDPICTURESunnecessary remakes

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