I know you’re probably sick of hearing about it by now, but I’ve got just a couple more batches of pictures from Comic-Con to get through before we can finally put this thing to bed and get back to normal posting. (With the new site design, I believe you can click pictures for enlarged versions).
The Root of All Art
So Comic-Con has become known as this huge event where movie studios and TV outlets go to announce their new projects and pander to the “true fans.” And that part’s pretty much all bullsh*t and empty hype. But if there is still something great about it, it’s seeing some accountant or software engineer who’s spent the last 28 months of his life and countless money and man hours turning his rascal scooter into a working Delorean. And for the one or two days of the year they get to show off, those guys are the ABSOLUTE PIMP SH*T, with strangers literally shoving celebrities out of the way to take their picture. I saw one guy dressed as a centaur with FULL-SIZED HORSE LEGS THAT F*CKING MOVED WHEN HE WALKED.
It brings me indescribable joy to imagine the amount of hard hours in the garage workshop that must’ve gone into this (not to mention the mechanical aptitude). I think about the sacrifices he had to make to get it finished — his affairs falling into neglect, his personal life going to hell, his wife probably busting his balls and not really understanding the whole endeavor. “Tom, what are you even DOING down there!?”
“What am I doing? What am I DOING?! It’s life-sized horse legs! They move when I walk! I’m turning myself into a REAL-LIFE CENTAUR!!! How can you even ask me a question like what am I doing!? THE CENTAUR CARES NOT FOR YOUR TONE!”
And when you think about it, that’s sort of the essence of art right there. Some guy in his basement, creating something no one understands, and even he doesn’t really understand, that he feels compelled to keep creating because it just feels right to him in a way that he can’t quite explain. Why? What do you mean, ‘why?’ There is no why. If you see it and ask why, you’ve already missed the point. I guess what I’m trying to say is, Comic-Con Centaur Guy really changed my whole perspective on sh*t.
The Cure for Cynicism
And just when I’d start to wonder what the f*ck I was supposed to be doing here (Going to boring panels that are just glorified Entertainment Tonight bits? Sitting in on round table interviews to hear the same publicist-vetted gems you hear in every interview?), I’d see someone so happy to be dressed up, for whom putting on a costume was such a transformative experience, that their eyes would light up with pride and they’d happily jump into whatever mini-performance they thought would make the best picture, doing it just because. I came to this realization about two days into the Con. I was all but done with it, the crowds, the noise, the planning, the posturing, the overwhelming hype. Ugh. And that was right about the time I ran into these people. It was combination of people, but they were the first, and I remember it distinctly. I was waiting in a sh*tty line for fake, marked-up Starbucks coffee at the time, and just the looks on their faces when I took their picture instantly changed the sh*tty mood I’d been in for the better part of 48 hours. To be honest, I got a little choked up afterwards. It sounds stupid, I know, not to mention dramatic, but you’d be surprised how nice it feels to suddenly feel like you understand something, to remember that you’re still capable of empathy, and not just alienation and wanting to shove some troll out of the way because she’s blocking the Cinnabon. What the hell are these people gawking at, anyway? A Firefly panel? Ugh, that show sucks.
(I actually have no idea about Firefly, I was just trying to make a point).
The Rise of Steam Punk
Ah yes and the steam punks. Who could forget the steam punks? This is how you know hipster culture has infected nerd culture, where it’s not enough to dress like you’re from the future, you now have to dress like some old-timey retro version of the future from some book no one’s read.
“We used to be a barbershop quartet, we just added leather and gadgetry.”
Nice to meet you, I’m actually part of a steam punk collective from Cleveland. The Cleveland Steam Punks, we call ourselves.
That’s right, it’s a steam punk hat catalog. Hey, those things don’t just make themselves.
That’s right, you can wear your lambskin Arronax hat anywhere and do just about anything. It’s that versatile! You’ll be the most whimsical, stylish gent in yoga class!
STEAM PUNKS F*CKING LOVE GRAPES!
Goggles and guns. What are steam punkers always shooting at, anyway? And what do those guns do? Do they shoot… steam?
Freaky contact lenses will never go out of style. Nor will exposed cleavage.
I guarantee there was some freaky vampire sex going on this weekend. My God, you guys, the furry orgies.
Oh look, someone finally found the key to your mom’s chastity belt.
That blue dude is scary as hell. He looks like a molesty alien priest. My, this was a humorous caption.
I thought this fellow had a particularly presumptuous codpiece.
Don’t you point your ray gun at my crotch, lady, I’ll have you know that it’s already been steamed.
I get the feeling she’s posed before.
Costume schmostume, if you’ve got a vaguely superhero-related bustier, you’re good to go. Not that I’m complaining.
Yes, it’s Dolphin Vader. Who says nerds don’t care about football?
He said the Dolphins were “the most evil football team in the galaxy.” But who has a rivalry with the Dolphins? Don’t you have to be good before a rivalry can develop?
I wish Burnsy had been here. He hate-loves the Dolphins. Or maybe it’s love-hates, I’m not really sure how it works in Florida.
Jon Favreau explains to the G4 crew how to choke a bitch.
I don’t know who these girls are, what they were dressed as, or what they were doing. My camera just spun towards the boobs and started taking pictures before I knew what it was doing.
A+ for boobs, F- for camera work.
Seriously though, that’s Gene Simmons in there, right?
And hey, why does the angel have those freaky contact lenses? Do angels all have freaky demon eyes like that? Heaven must be scary.
Poor form, dude. Everyone knows you’re supposed to hover your hand a half inch from their skin to avoid contact.
Hmm, well that settles it. I still enjoy looking at pretty girls in bikini tops.
The lords of the round table pause for ye olde soft pretzels. I was very sad to learn that these guys were actually professionals, and were at Comic-Con to promote the Knights of Badassdom. It shouldn’t make a huge difference whether people are dressing up because they want to or because they’re being paid to promote something and their costumes were made by a professional costumer, but… Well, it actually makes all the difference in the world.
Here’s the trailer for that, by the way:
Looks way less metal than The Wild Hunt. Though I am excited to see Peter Dinklage in a comedy. That dude is one kick-ass dwarf.
Actual quote, right as I was taking a picture: “Okay, now I’m going to take a picture for my co-workers, but I don’t want any creeps trying to take pictures of my ass!”
… And this is the picture immediately following. Words cannot adequately express how much or why I love this picture, but I do. Dammit, I so do.
Between the bloodshot eyes and the visible pec muscles, anyone else think this looks scary as hell?
Move along, nothing to see here, just sitting down to a relaxing lunch with friends. Needs more feral child
JUGGALO PANHANDLER! JUGGALO PANHANDLER!
This shot doesn’t do the full scope of the crowd justice, but I do like the guy in stilts in the background.
There must’ve been 20 cameras on this one girl, and I still don’t know what she’s supposed to be.
LOOK OUT! THE ELF WIZARD AND THE SPACE DRUID ARE ABOUT TO DUEL FOR THE HAND OF THE SPACE WENCH!
The Vader Pimp and Boba Fett Pimp are old news, but I enjoyed the hell out of Midwestern Tourist-in-Hawaii Vader.
I don’t know what this woman’s supposed to be, but I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume she owns cats.
Yes, she shaved the entire front of her skull for this costume, which I thought was pretty baller. I believe she’s Aang from the Last Airbender, which I know because I sat through that horrific Shyamalan film. I can only imagine how much harder it must’ve been to sit through for an actual fan. She’s probably still grieving. The studio should pay Last Airbender fans for grief counseling after that thing.
This was a very hairy man with nipple rings in a Viking-inspired thong speedo with tail. He was the only person all day who just speed-walked past me when I tried to take his picture. You’d think a guy in a thong and nipple rings would like the attention.
The little dude was fast too.
What’s the female, two-pronged Wolverine called? I don’t even know.
CORGI IN A BASKET! CORGI IN A BASKET! The lady pushing this little guy was understandably startled when I let out an audible squeal and frantically fumbled with my camera to snap this in time.
That’s Blake Anderson from Workaholics in a bear costume that I can only assume was Wicker Man-inspired. Free costume idea: Nic Cage in a bear suit with a female sidekick with a black eye.
Much like oversized mallets, I’m a sucker for anything with giant head piece. Isn’t she adorable?
I’m not sure what’s going here, but any costume that necessitates a pastie seems alright by me. I’m not 100% certain that’s a girl, but for the boobs I’d probably be willing to take a gamble.
What, bro, did your mom make that costume for you? No leather? No metal? No goggles or pulleys? Bush league, dude. Come back later, this isn’t amateur hour.
Great costumes. Getting a strong “drama club” vibe here.
Sailor Moon? True story, I had no idea what Sailor Moon was before this. Yes, I am aware that I am a total fraud.
I choose to look at this in all its cuteness and assume that guy is the father or big brother. But it could be a secret dwarf hooker under there, you never know.
Steam Punks are so yesterday, now it’s all about the Fringe Skank movement.
Okay, okay, they look sweet. Sorry, ladies, I didn’t mean that you were literal “skanks,” it was just something to say. Seriously though, what the hell is Fringe?
I have that same outfit, only without the trident. I wear it to play indoor soccer.
For the last time, dude, I’m not touching your wand. And put some socks on, that carpet is filthy.
I buy those same socks a few sizes too large so I can put my junk through the holes.
I’m guessing the kid in the middle is dressed as “too young for my parents to let me watch Kick-Ass.” Nice to see SOMEone’s still doing some parenting around here.
Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Give a man a giant backpack shaped like a fish and he has a fine place for storing robes and tunics.
Okay, let’s try to break this down. They’re wearing cat ears. And red wigs. And they’re dressed like… schoolgirls? Conservative schoolgirls? And one appears to be proposing… I give up, dude. I’m actually more confused than when we started.
Oh come on, you can’t just tear a cleavage hole in a wifebeater, thrown on some fishnets, and call it a costume. What is this, Arizona State?
What’s with all the different lenses? Is there some component of steam punk that involves grading gem stones? I’m so confused.