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6.1 The Cooler

This Week in Posters: PLAGIARISM!

By 05.31.12

Before we get to the rest of this week’s posters and stills, I wanted to highlight this comparison between the Snow White and the Huntsman poster and this book from 2008, as tipped off by reader Matt. Poster designers copy themes all the time (diagonal horizon lines, the rom-com lean, floating heads, etc.), but this one seems pretty egregious. Also, I saw Snow White and the Huntsman a few days ago and was distressed to find that it’s NOT about a sassy gay crow. “Did you see Snow White? Like, ugh, have you heard of tanning? She’s pastier than one of my eggs. Fairest indeed. I don’t want to ruffle any feathers, queen, but you’re much prettier. Quoth this raven: Caw! You’re fabulous!”

Did you know Justin Long wrote a movie? It’s true. It’s about climbing fake rocks or some shit.

Justin Long is making his screenwriting debut with the rom-com “A Case Of You,” a film he co-wrote with his brother Christian and Keir O’Donnell. Long stars opposite Evan Rachel Wood, as a writer who embellishes his profile in order to meet a girl online, only to have to try to live up to the high standards he’s set for himself in real life when she begins to fall for him. Peter Dinklage, Sam Rockwell, Vince Vaughn, Busy Phillips, Sienna Miller and Brendan Fraser round out the cast. [ThePlaylist]

Bragging in your online profile? Rookie mistake. The secret to online dating? Under-promise, over-deliver. For instance, my Match.com headline is “I WANNA PUT MY EVIL INSIDE OF YOU.”
Amour won the Palm d’Or at Cannes, which is French talk for bitchin’ flick or something like that. I still haven’t seen any Michael Haneke movies except Caché, and I remember that being ungodly boring, and the shots so far away that I couldn’t tell who was supposed to be who (possibly my fault for only having a 20-some-inch TV at the time). See, this is the kind of high-level analysis I get paid the big bucks for.
The only way I imagine this being not boring is if that guy is about to headbutt her.
Chinese poster for Brave. My hair looked just like that when I was a kid, except blond. It sucked.
Aren’t those red pandas? Isn’t this set in Scotland? There aren’t red pandas in Scotland, are there? And keep in mind, I refuse to google this.
Also, the arm placement on the middle panda is weird, it kind of looks like the top panda’s dong.
When the trailers for this hit, I could’ve sworn the main girl was supposed to be 10, and now she looks 15-20. It shouldn’t be that hard to tell the difference. Or so the judge told me.
“Dear Diary, no one saw me ;-(. I feel like I’m on the verge of a meltdown.” -Chernobyl
This kind of looks like a Mr. Brainwash painting, doesn’t it?
And here’s a new Catwoman poster from The Dark Knight Rises. By far the hardest part of superhero movies is trying to make the part where a sexy chick in six-inch heels beating up dudes fit into a realistic, Earth-like world. Godspeed, Chris Nolan.
Here’s a fan-made Django Unchained poster courtesy of ImJohnSmith. I don’t know about the font or the bottom part, but I respect that he tried to hide Jamie Foxx’s camel toe.

Wes Bentley, last seen with awesome facial hair in “The Hunger Games,” is starring in the indie drama “3 Nights in the Desert.” He’s playing an unhinged musician, partly inspired by prolific songwriter Jack White, that reunites for a weekend with his former bandmates, played by Amber Tamblyn (“127 Hours”) and Vincent Piazza (“Boardwalk Empire”). The image from EW sees Bentley sporting a much more conservative beard with flannel opposite a clean-cut Piazza. There is no release date yet. [ThePlaylist]

Aw, I miss Futurebeard.
FUTUREBEARD, THE BEARD OF THE FUTURE.
I like to imagine Armond White somewhere dismissively wanking every time I read J. Hoberman’s name.
“I put the flag back there, because I really feel that, like, you know, this is a crime story, but, like, really it’s about America. I really wanted it to be, like, you know, a mirror. Like a crime story that’s like totally holding a mirror up to the American mentality, you know? Because we’re like born with that greed in us and stuff, you know?”
Don’t dig up your dog, bro. Haven’t you seen Pet Sematary? By the way, there should be a law against titles that use child-like misspellings. All it does is confuse the hell out of people.
Here’s another still from Baz Luhrmann’s The Great Gatsby. People are freaking out about how busy and glitter-dunked this whole thing looks, but… did you see Baz Luhrmann’s Romeo and Juliet movie? Covering everything in tinsel and sequins is kind of Baz Luhrmann’s thing.
I refuse to believe that Josh Lucas has ever been anything more than mildly noticeable.

The first image of Kevin Spacey in the David Fincher-produced and -directed Netflix series “House Of Cards” has arrived. The still shows Spacey and Robin Wright as the ruthless and ambitious couple at the heart of the series. Spacey says that the show, based on a revered 1990 BBC drama, “is about a wily, murderous politician worming his way to the White House” and warns that “it ain’t your Daddy’s ‘West Wing.’ [ThePlaylist, pic via EW]

Oh God, Spacey, what did they do to your head? Did they give you that Christian Slater/Billy Bob Thornton forehead? I can’t stop staring at it. That’s no look for the president of space.
Having seen the trailer for this this morning, I’m already predisposed to thinking it’s badass.
Yep, it’s called Iron Sky, and it’s about Nazis on the moon. I’ve been reading some negative reviews for this, but the concept translates pretty nicely to a poster.
Here’s Klown, obviously going for that Hangover vibe. I like it. Though I could be biased, I wear that same outfit every time I have sex. I mean, make love.
Yup, looks like Les Miserables, alright.
I can never get enough Tyler Perry posters. I liked this so much I immediately sent it to Justin Halpern and Frotcast Brendan.
HALPERN: It’s gotten to the point where I can’t tell if these are real or if you’ve made them in photoshop.
FROTCAST BRENDAN: Oh I get it, everyone’s wearing glasses.
Here’s a big, some sort of foreign banner for Rock of Ages. You can click to enlarge if you like. I guess it makes sense, them trying to sell the songs, because I guess that’s why people go to these jukebox musicals (I guess??). It should be said, other than Twisted Sister, those are all horrible songs.
This one’s from Rush, directed by Ron Howard, and that’s Chris Hemsworth.

They’ve got Thor himself (Chris Hemsworth) in the leading role of the ’70s set true story flick about the rivalry between Formula One racers James Hunt and Niki Lauda (played by Daniel Bruhl). [ThePlaylist]

Aren’t racecar drivers generally small? Chris Hemsworth is like 6’4″. I saw him at the airport once. He’s every bit as big and handsome in person. I would’ve thrown my panties at him, if I’d been wearing any.
“Sell”-ebrity, get it? Good thing they put the dollar sign there or else I might not have got what they were going for. (*fart noise*)
This looks like another horror movie. Right now it’s even money between haunted house and creepy little kid. Could it be both? FIND OUT, THIS SUMMER!
I’m fascinated by the idea that everyone who signed off on this thinks “from the producer of Alice in Wonderland” is a selling point.
…And also that entire board rooms full of people thought casting Kristen Stewart as a badass Joan of Arc character was a good idea. They should just sell this as what it is: “An unbelievable combination of bad ideas!”  “You’ll never believe it got made!” “Someone wrote this!”
I like how they keep getting a guy that looks enough like Channing Tatum that maybe if they put him in the poster sideways and without his name in big letters, people will think C-Tates is still in it.
I liked Bret’s idea for “Step Up to the Stairs.”
“Yeah, son, I be wearin’ these gloves so that when I serve you, I don’t get thumbprints on the glass and shit. Drink up, chump!”
(*10-minute dance number*)
Okay, we get it already, Christ.
I get the feeling they have ten or twenty stills from Dark Knight Rises, and one guy in a room just photoshopping them into different poster designs all day. I’ve never seen so many posters for a movie.
Aw, yeah, time to kick back on the couch with your boys, watching sports and drinking… uh… tea? Why are they drinking tea?
Oh I see what you did there, Seth MacFarlane. And frankly, I like it.
This is from a new batch from The Tomb, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sly Stallone. Have you ever noticed that movie jail seems to be full of muscular white guys with tribal tats?
[via Twitch]

Ray Breslin is the world’s foremost authority on structural security. After analyzing every high security prison and learning a vast array of survival skills so he can design escape-proof prisons, his skills are put to the test. He’s framed and incarcerated in a master prison he designed himself. He needs to escape and find the person who put him behind bars.

“They tell me you’re the best.”
“Leave me alone, I’m retired!”
“But I can help you find your wife.”
“This time… it’s personal.
 
With the weird spacing on 100, I originally read this as “I DO DAYS. I DO PEOPLE. I DO MUSTANGS.”
Now THAT’S what I call a “hot doc.”
Ethan Hawke looks like he has the upper hand in the early headbutting exchanges, but according to the title, the woman takes it in the fifth. In the fifth, his ass goes down. And if you feel that little sting, Ethan, that’s just pride f*cking with you.
[posters via IMPA except where otherwise noted]


TOPICS#HOUSE OF CARDS
TAGSA CASE OF YOUIRON SKYKLOWNLES MISERABLESMADEA'S WITNESS PROTECTIONPOSTERSrushSASSY GAY CROWSELLEBRITYsnow white and the huntsmanTHE IMPOSTER

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