As if it wasn’t bad enough that Tom Hanks has one son who looks like a goonish mouth-breather, it turns out he has another who’s a white rapper. Tom Hanks’ youngest son, Chet Hanks, even has a rap name, “Chet Haze.” Yeah, dude, because if you wanted to sound like a rapper, clearly it was the “Hanks” that needed changing (*sarcastic slide whistle*).
Aw, yeaah, West siiieeeede represent, from Compton to… uh… Malibu, son, ya heard? HOO! HOO!
So, what does a guy named “Chet” rap about, anyway? Why, he raps about attending Northwestern University, of course. (Northwestern Alum Matt Ufford must be so proud). Aw yeaah, crew team fa lizzyfe, my ninja, ridin’ dirtaay wit my coxswain hangin out, SKEET SKEET!
To the beat of Wiz Khalifa’s “Black and Yellow,” it’s “White and Purple (Northwestern Remix).”
“White kicks/ Purple kush/ This is college, hittin blunts after hittin books,” Chet explains. “I got a call from the brothers in the frat house/ I’m with my girl, tryin to get up under that blouse/ She a freshman/ She a freak though/ In the bed, but a lady in the street, yo.”
According to Chet’s bio: “Living the college life, Chet’s days consist of chilling with his boys, attending class, and taking care of business. However, his nights consist of absolutely murdering tracks, and living what he is really spitting.” As Chet argues on the Twitter, “just realized my fb and first single was released on 1/11/11. I think its cuz im gunna win. you tell me.” We couldn’t say one way or the other! [Gawker via Videogum]
My favorite part is how accurately his style mimics that of the negro. So dangerous!
[Seriously though, we're going to find out this was a joke soon, right? I mean come on, a white rapper named "Chet" who spits flows about Northwestern? Ha ha, very funny, Sacha Cohen, but this time you've gone too far.]
UPDATE: Looks like we know where he got his rhyming skillzzz:
(thanks to Danger Guerrero for reminding me that existed)