Oh sweet baby Jesus, this is terrifying news. Hollywood Reporter today is reporting that Tom Cruise is in final negotiations to star in the film adaptation of the Broadway musical Rock of Ages for director Adam Shankman (Shankman is the guy who was once moved to tears by So You Think You Can Dance, by the way). If you’ll recall, the last time a totally-not-gay Scientologist starred in an Adam Shankman musical, it looked something like this:
(*climbs down off pink unicorn, adjusts leather thong, finishes tongue kissing Anderson Cooper, pauses season finale of Glee*) Hoo boy, this sounds gay.
Tom Cruise is in final negotiations to co-star in Rock of Ages, New Line’s adaptation of the hit stage musical about 1980s rockers. The actor will play Stacee Jaxx, the arrogant and charming star at the top of his career. Jaxx sings Bon Jovi’s “Wanted Dead of Alive” in the theater production. [THR]
Shankman, who in addition to Hairspray is also the director behind The Pacifier and Cheaper by the Dozen 2, once described Rock of Ages as ‘like Mamma Mia for dudes.’ And as a dude myself, I can totally see the appeal of watching other dudes prance about in spandex singing glam rock songs. I just worry whether a straight-shooter like Tom Cruise understands what he’s getting himself into. “Oh sure, I like musical theater. As long as there are no gays in ther– MOTHER OF GOD!”