Chad Ochocinco Plays Futbol...Poorly
Weekend Preview: White People Problems

This chick reeeeeally likes inanimate objects

By / 03.25.11

I vaguely remember hearing about this, but I hadn’t watched it before today.  It’s a documentary called Married to the Eiffel Tower, about a woman who has love affairs with inanimate objects, like bridges, and her bows (she’s an archer).  At one point, she blames a poor performance on a lover’s spat with her bow, “Lance.”  Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy…

FILMMAKER: When you say you date these guys, does it mean that you have sex with them?
BRIDGE F*CKER: Oh, no. We never get to that point.  Often times, they would say I’ll be the guy who will change your mind. And I never liked that attitude. I mean, I didn’t date a whole lot of guys, but the ones that I did, didn’t work out, simply because of the sex part.

Oh right, that.  It’s weird, everything was fine except for the part where I withheld the biological basis for relationships.  Later, the filmmaker asks her about her bows:

FILMMAKER: Mechanically, is it similar to a woman having sex with a man?
BRIDGE F*CKER: I would say yes.

So shooting a bow and arrow is mechanically similar to copulation?  Hmm, I think you’re doing it wrong.  Or doing it AWESOMELY, one of the two.  Here’s a comment on the YouTube clip:

Ok rather than saying she’s nuts, why not sit back and realize that some people are different. Some people are wired to love men, some wired to love women, obviously some people are wired to be in love with objects. And how do we know that the relationship isn’t reciprocated, perhaps people like must look for different things in their relationships than we do.

Yeah, I guess that’s one way to look at it.  I just hope I never hear myself say, “I found myself losing interesting in my archery career after I was legally married to the Eiffel Tower.” To me it speaks to the great capacity of humans.  It’s amazing that a human being capable of speech, wearing clothes, driving a car, operating a toaster, etc., can still be in essence a monkey trying to f*ck a football.  (*thinks to himself “what a wonderful world”*)


I want more like this!

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