Before I begin, I just want to clarify, that this is NOT AN APRIL FOOL’S GAG. REPEAT: THIS IS A REAL STORY. I can’t say with 100% certainty that I’m not being F’d with, but I can tell you that the source for this is a BBC story from three days ago (corroborated by
Rapper Vanilla Ice will make his panto debut at a Kent theatre. The 1990s star, whose real name is Robert Van Winkle, will play Captain Hook in a production of Peter Pan at the Central Theatre in Chatham.
Ice, whose biggest hit was 1991’s Ice Ice Baby, recently starred as a contestant on ITV1’s Dancing on Ice.
Tony Hill, the theatre’s general manager, said: “Ice is a huge name who I am sure will be a real draw for parents and children alike.”
(*signs Vanilla Ice to play Captain Hook *) THIS COULD BE MY FINEST WORK!!!
At first I thought they were calling it “panto” to make being a mime sound cool again. Like, someone would walk in going, “Huh, ‘panto,’ I wonder what that is– *curtains go up* OH WHAT THE F*CK!?!?” But apparently it’s actually a form of British theater:
Traditionally performed at Christmas, with family audiences, British pantomime is now a popular form of theatre, incorporating song, dance, buffoonery, slapstick, cross-dressing, in-jokes, topical references, audience participation, and mild sexual innuendo.
So… a Tyler Perry movie, basically? Anyway, it sounds like they nailed the buffoonery, but punted on the “topical references.”
UPDATE/SIDENOTE: Vanilla is also joining the upcoming Adam Sandler/Andy Samberg comedy I Hate You, Dad. I never thought I’d say this, but it looks like everything’s comin’ up Vanilla.