The Help was number one at the box office this weekend, and although America does love hot white chicks curing racism, a week-old movie in the top slot is always bad news for that weekend’s new releases. Spy Kids 4D, the dirty diaper edition grossed a third of the last Spy Kids movie and Bronan the Barbronian made just $10 million of its $90 million budget. Which brings me to my next point… how the f*ck did Conan cost $90 million and who decided that was a good idea? It had a cast of no-names and a bargain-bin director and still only cost $3 million less than Rise of Planet of the Apes, and that had Andy Serkis in his ping poll ball suit pretending to be chimp. Jesus, silly wigs must be more expensive than I thought. Fright Night was just short of Conan, but on a third of the budget (and may hold better, as Burnsy reports that it was actually pretty good). Meanwhile, Anne Hathaway and Jim Sturgess’s rom-com, One Day, debuted all the way down at number nine. Let this be a lesson to you, white people: never, ever rap about paparazzi. Unless you’re The Lonely Island, they can rap about anything.
||Studio||Weekend Gross||% Change||Theater Count||Average||Total Gross||Budget*||Week #|
|1||2||The Help||BV||$20.479 m
|2||1||Rise of the Planet of the Apes||Fox||$16.3 m
|3||N||Spy Kids: All the Time in the World||W/Dim.||$12.02 m
|4||N||Conan the Barbarian (2011)||LGF||$10 m
|5||4||The Smurfs||Sony||$8 m
|6||N||Fright Night (2011)||BV||$7.9 m
|7||3||Final Destination 5||WB (NL)||$7.705 m
|8||5||30 Minutes or Less||Sony||$6.300 m
|9||N||One Day||Focus||$5.128||-||1,719||$2,983||$5.128 m
|10||9||Crazy, Stupid, Love.||WB||$4.95||-29.8%||1,940||$2,552||$64.42 m
But hey, maybe this will finally dampen Hollywood’s enthusiasm for sequels and remakes! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
That was a joke, is what I’m trying to say.
I want more like this!
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