Steven Soderbergh’s Contagion led all others at the box office over the weekend, knocking off The Help for the first time in three weeks, proving that the only thing America loves more than a hot white chick curing racism (THAT MAID’S CHANGIN’ YER LAAHFE) is watching Gwyneth Paltrow succumb to a mysterious disease (check out the new goop.com newsletter for the latest in designer rubber gloves and shabby chic sneeze guards).
Meanwhile, proving that no one listens to Peter Dante, no one went to see Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star, despite all his advice to the contrary. The Happy Madison product opened all the way down at number fifteen, with $1.45 million. That was less than half of Happy Madison’s previous lows, Strange Wilderness and Grandma’s Boy (the latter of which was actually pretty decent, strangely). But it wasn’t ALL bad news, as Bucky Larson is currently tracking 0% on rottentomatoes.
FUN FACT: The average showing of Bucky Larson had slightly more than eight people. You could get more people to a fake funeral.
It’s a shame, because I always thought Nick Swardson was the funniest one in that crew. But also not a shame, because Bucky Larson looked like a Mexican sitcom (and not in a good way, where all of the women have preposterously ample cleavage). If Jack and Jill does this poorly when it opens in November, maybe Sandler can finally stop with this lowest common denominator experiment and get back to making comedy. I know, I know, I’m totally that YOU’VE CHANGED, BRO guy. But even conceding that I was thirteen at the time, I refuse to believe that “The Buffoon Meets the Dean of Admissions” wasn’t a watershed moment in comedy. “I LOOKED AT MY ASSH*LE IN THE MIRROR TODAY,” is my generation’s “Who’s On First.” I remember where I was the first time I heard “MY NEIGHBOR’S DOG HAS A FOUR-INCH CLIT” like it was the goddamned Kennedy assassination.
(full top 10 after the jump)
|This Wk||Last Wk||Title||Dist.||Weekend Gross||Cumulative
|1||-||Contagion||Warner Bros. Pictures||$23,135,000||$23,135,000||1||3222|
|2||1||The Help||DreamWorks Studios||$8,691,000||$137,093,000||5||2935|
|4||2||The Debt||Focus Features||$4,904,650||$21,992,607||2||1876|
|5||6||Colombiana||Sony Pictures Releasing||$4,000,000||$29,779,000||3||2354|
|6||5||Rise of the Planet of the Apes||20th Century Fox Distribution||$3,875,000||$167,835,831||6||2887|
|7||4||Shark Night 3D||Relativity Media||$3,533,000||$14,797,179||2||2848|
|8||3||Apollo 18||The Weinstein Company||$2,913,000||$15,001,000||2||3330|
|9||7||Our Idiot Brother||The Weinstein Company||$2,761,000||$21,420,000||3||2396|
|10||9||Spy Kids: All the Time in the World||The Weinstein Company||$2,506,000||$34,227,000||4||2544|
|11||8||Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark||FilmDistrict||$2,260,768||$21,094,526||3||2251|
|12||11||Crazy, Stupid, Love.||Warner Bros. Pictures Distribution||$2,180,000||$78,429,000||7||1310|
|13||-||Laugh at My Pain||N/A||$2,000,000||$2,000,000||1||99|
|14||10||The Smurfs||Sony Pictures Releasing||$1,850,000||$136,059,000||7||1977|
|15||-||Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star||Sony Pictures Releasing||$1,450,000||$1,450,000||1||1500|
Creature was one for the record books. At 1,507 single-screen locations, the horror movie scared up an estimated $331,000, which was the fifth lowest-grossing opening on record for a nationwide release and the second-worst in terms of per-location average. To put it another way, it was the worst ever for a movie playing at 1,500 locations or more. Its per-showing attendance was less than six people. [BoxOfficeMojo]
I don’t know whether to be happy or sad about that, because I have no idea what that is. Though it does apparently star “Serinda Swan,” who sounds like a Twilight character who got written out of the series on account of being too ethnic.