Last year’s awards ceremony for the New York Film Critics Circle (or as we like to call it, The Golden Seal Bull Moose Moving Picture Appreciation Society of the 1934 World’s Fair) were hosted by our favorite thesaurifinous curmudgel, Armond White, who took the occasion to repeatedly diss The Social Network and almost make Annette Bening cry. This year’s ceremony took place last night, and while Armond didn’t host this time, he still managed to leave his mark. The chairman’s seat was always better suited to bourgeois, plutofascicrats than verbidinous revolutionary ramblificators like Armond anyway, who prefer to shout their criticisms from the back row. Which Armond did, frequently, according to witnesses.
This year, White didn’t have the hosting gig to make his opinions known, but he shouted out his opinions and non sequiturs from the crowd nevertheless, yelling “The Good Shepherd!” while Robert De Niro was speaking and shouting the name of the second black actress to be nominated for an Oscar — “Ethel Waters!” — twice while Viola Davis was on the stage.
God I love that man. From now on, instead of booing, we should all just shout “The Good Shepherd!” Of course Armond White heckles in esoteric non-sequitirs, that’s just his way. If he were able to epethize less obfuscatorily, it would only serve to burnish the patina of the au-courant anti-intellectualism like that daffy twat Schwarzbaum. Meanwhile, the guy’s not made of stone, he does still get starstruck:
After Brad Pitt went to take a smoke break accompanied by Sorkin, Angelina Jolie, and a big security detail, Armond White ran up to the group to introduce himself to the Moneyball actor. [Vulture]
“I loved you in Troy. It made Gladiator look like a craven paean to imperialist hegemony. Seriously, inspiring work. Almost as good as Ocean’s 12.”
And Armond wouldn’t be Armond if he wasn’t taking every opportunity to crap on recently laid-off Village Voice critic J. Hoberman:
[reports Movieline's Lawrence Levi] At NY Film Critics Circle awards dinner, I overheard Albert Brooks ask Armond White, “Is J. Hoberman here?” White replied, “That jackass.”
That’s what’s so lovely about Armond White. Hate him and call him a troll all you want, he’s still frequently going to be the only guy willing to call a guy who’s probably a jackass a jackass. Agree or disagree, you have to respect his lustrificent gangstranimity.
And just to wrap up this week in Armond White, I thought I’d quote briefly from his “better than” list.
Paul> Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives
Greg Mottola and Simon Pegg and Nick Frost grasp the depth of American pop culture while Apitchapong Weerasethakul peddles Asian obscurantism. Joyous vs. Spurious.
Winnie the Pooh>Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close
The Iron Lady>J. Edgar, My Week with Marilyn
Jack and Jill>The Descendants
Adam Sandler’s affectionate, very broad, ethnic satire defies Alexander Payne’s smug denial of America’s ethnic history. Humility vs. Sanctimony
What’s Your Number?, Kaboom>Bridesmaids
Rejoice and Shout>Cave of Our Forgotten Ancestors [Editor's Note: That's not even the right title.]
Your Highness, The Sitter>Midnight in Paris
Shawn Levy explores fatherhood and masculinity in professional competition while Bennett Miller and Brad Pitt take the fun out of baseball. Entertainment vs. Sophistry.
Oh, and here was his response to the Kim Novak/The Artist rape kerfuffle:
Bravo Kim Novak! Great blast at “movie” The Artist. Kim has the heart of cinephilia–and a lioness!
I’m convinced EVERYTHING Armond White writes ends with him screaming “F*CK YOU I WON’T DO WHATCHA TELL ME!” dropping his keyboard and walking away from his computer. Not even a shirt with two motorcycles on it could do justice to a man this rebellious.
[banner pic source = DeathandTaxes]
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