As far as I can tell, the source for this story is ContactMusic, which means it’s probably not true at all BUT OH GOD I HOPE IT’S TRUE THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT STORY OF OUR GENERATION! The story is this: Clint Eastwood is friends with a squirrel. Are you still with me here? That’s right, a squirrel. Clint Eastwood and a squirrel are friends now. They just hang out, eating nuts together, doing squirrel-type shit like a couple of regular dude-bros.
Clint Eastwood is obsessed with a squirrel called Lola.
OBSESSED! (*20s newscaster voice*) That’s right, they say the old man’s gone squirrel crazy! He’s loco for Lola, I tell ya! He’s bonkers for bushy tails!
The ‘J. Edgar’ director came across his furry friend on the Warner Bros. movie lot in Los Angeles, California, and now insists on leaving the door of his office open when he is working so that Lola can stop by whenever she wants.
A source said: “Clint leaves the front door open whenever he’s inside working so Lola can come and go. He gets a kick out of watching her and always keeps a bag of shelled peanuts on the bottom shelf of a bookcase in case she gets hungry. Clint would be so upset if Lola disappeared. He enjoys her company.”
Some say the unlikely friendship began when old Clint saved Lola from a gang of unsavory chipmunks. Said Clint sheepishly, “Aw heck, I wasn’t savin’ anybody. I was just tryin’ to get a horde of twig-chuckin’ acorn nibblers off my lawn. Back in ‘Nam we used to kill chipmunks by the thousands. I tell ya there was stacks a dead chipmunks gook high.”
The story should really end there (AND WHAT A STORY IT IS!), but I couldn’t deprive you of this, the most pointless and asinine segue in the history of scum journalism.
And SPEAKING of Paris Hilton, I hope whoever wrote this gets ass cancer.
FACTUAL UPDATE: Eastwood apparently talked about the squirrel on Ellen. -Thanks to Elizabeth Rappe for the tip.
RELATED: The Fake Bret Remix, “Squirrels in the Sky,” created by Waqas:
I want more like this!
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