Someone asked me if any good movies were coming out this weekend, and I confidently answered no. There was a crappy, derivative rom-com (The Vow), a crappy derivative Denzel Washington movie (Safe House), a crappy derivative 3D re-release of the second worst Star Wars movie, and whatever you call that one where The Rock rides giant bees (Journey 2). Amazingly, the lowest-grossing of these four (Star Wars) earned $23 million. For comparison, the top grosser last week was Chronicle (which was actually good) with $22 million. Meanwhile, C-Tates’ amnesia joint with MC Adams earned FORTY-ONE MILLION. I have no explanation for any of this, except that we’ve been punk’d by reality.
The Vow beat out Dear John (ANOTHER C-Tates joint, which opened with $30.5 million a few years ago) for the biggest Screen Gems release ever. It was also the sixth-highest February debut, and the third highest for a romantic comedy behind Valentine’s Day and Hitch. The audience was 72 percent women, 55 percent under 25, and probably 100 percent with wet panties from that mumbly dreamboat C-Tates, the new wigger-king of America’s box office.
Also, I’ve made C-Tates into a centaur, which I’ve dubbed the Chantaur.
||Studio||Weekend Gross||% Change||Theater Count / Change||Average||Total Gross||Budget*||Week #|
|3||N||Journey 2: The Mysterious Island||WB||$27,550,000||-||3,470||-||$7,939||$27,550,000||$79||1|
|4||N||Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace (in 3D)||Fox||$23,000,000||-||2,655||-||$8,663||$23,000,000||-||1|
|6||2||The Woman in Black||CBS||$10,300,000||-50.7%||2,856||+1||$3,606||$35,456,000||-||2|
I want more like this!
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