I know I’ve already run my fair share of “BEST HEADLINE EVER” stories, but this legitimately gave me an uncontrollable, 30 to 60-second fit of laughter. I still haven’t showed it to Frotcast Brendan, I worry that it might actually kill him. I’d been saving this up for a Friday Free For All post, and there are some conflicting reports on whether the story is actually true, but regardless, that headline. Magnifique. If the zookeeper had just been licking a monkey’s anus, that would’ve been one thing. But the idea that he was licking it “for over an hour” is really what puts it over the top for me. The visual of a kindly old Chinese man carefully, lovingly licking a monkey anus for the entirety of a Game of Thrones episode… It’s perfect.
Meanwhile, the source article includes a picture of the zookeeper:
Ooh, nice camouflage. That monkey is probably confused as to how a floating head could be tonguing his peanut-hole like that. “Gaaah, don’t question it… feels good, man.”
By the way, Mr. Zookeeper guy, there are easier ways of getting peanuts, trust me. Just ask the elephant.
Anyway, I think it’s clear what needs to happen now. Parry Gripp needs to write a song about this.
Babay monkay… babay monkay… peanut in his ass, baby monkey.
The world has gone insane.
And something in your butt ain’t right.
He’s got to keep on lickin on…
Just lick on that butt, make him poop toniiiiiiiight….