When a gunman opens fire in a crowded movie theater, the sad truth is that it’s only a matter of time before some slimy lawyer convinces someone to sue the theater. CONGRATULATIONS, DONALD KARPEL! YOU WIN THE SLIMY D*CKLICKER SWEEPSTAKES!
Torrence Brown, Jr. was in Century 16 Theater when killer James Holmes let loose. One of Brown’s best friends, A.J. Boik, was shot in the chest and died. Brown, who was not physically injured, claims to now suffer from extreme trauma.
Brown has hired attorney Donald Karpel (right) to rep him. Karpel tells TMZ … he is targeting 3 defendants.
1. The theater. Karpel claims it was negligent for the theater to have an emergency door in the front that was not alarmed or guarded. It’s widely believed Holmes entered the theater with a ticket, propped the emergency door open from inside, went to his car and returned with guns.
Well sure. Maybe just lock the emergency doors from the outside next time to keep anyone from leaving, then going to their car to get an assault rifle, and coming back to shoot everyone. HOW COULD YOU NOT HAVE SEEN THIS COMING?! Now if there’s a fire, you can just look up the theater’s phone number on your phone, call the theater, have the theater radio the security guard, and have the security guard let you out before the flames burn your t-shirt. EASY PEASY!
2. Holmes’ doctors. Karpel says it appears Holmes was on several medications — prescribed by one or more doctors — at the time of the shooting and he believes the docs did not properly monitor Holmes.
Did you not see the commercial where it said this Claritin may cause headaches, dizziness, and shooting sprees? The bee voiced by Antonio Banderas told me so.
3. Warner Bros. Karpel says “Dark Knight Rises” was particularly violent and Holmes mimicked some of the action. The attorney says theater goers were helpless because they thought the shooter was part of the movie. Karpel tells TMZ, “Somebody has to be responsible for the rampant violence that is shown today.” [TMZ]
Yeah, I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that the guy in the gas mask shooting people is probably the one responsible for the violence. If a guy punches you in a bar, do you blame the firm that installed the wallpaper?
But obviously, Donald Karpel is real classy guy, and “high-powered” too, if you believe all the news stories about him. (If he’s so powerful, why is he chasing ambulances?) Karpel’s previous clients include a woman who was allegedly slapped by Demi Lovato (I still don’t know who that is and I refuse to look it up), a paparazzo who was allegedly kicked by Sean Penn, and the Malibu High School student who was slapped by a teacher who asked her if she’d seen Bridesmaids. HAVE YOU BEEN HURT IN A JAX ACCIDENT OR SUFFERED A THUMB WRESTLING INJURY AT THE HANDS OF A MEMBER OF THE MICKEY MOUSE CLUB? LOS ANGELES ATTORNEY DONALD KARPEL CAN GET YOU TWO THIRDS OF THE SIX-FIGURE SETTLEMENT YOU DESERVE!
Here’s my favorite excerpt from a story about him:
Attorney Karpel is well-known in Hollywood. He’s represented some of the Hollywood’s famous people, and he has also famously taken on the powerful. Karpel sued Sean Penn, he also sued singer Demi Lavato, who punched a dancer and then refused to apologize.
Society should consider a class action lawsuit against the law school that produced him.
UPDATE: Just to end this on a positive note, the theater owners have begun a donation drive to benefit the families of the shooting victims.