In case you’re a functioning member of society and not an illiterate teenage girl, you might have missed the MTV Video Music Awards last night, as the network that once routinely played music videos remains locked in a limbo of painful irony. At some point between Chris Brown fans butchering the English language in celebration of his award for Best Autotuned Woman Beater and Dwight Howard pretending he’s a huge celebrity, MTV unleashed a brand new 90-second trailer for The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 (Holy Sh*t Is This Over Yet).
The trailer promises fans the “epic finale” as we watch Bella get used to her new vampire powers by f*cking up nature, while Taylor Lautner shows up and is like, “Shirt? Never heard of it. ABS!” But then some vampire lady is all like, “Their baby is a crime” and the vampire police come to break up the Cullen party. And I’m sure it all looks so fantastic to Twilight fans, especially that part where Edward is like, “You know what vampires hate? Kung fu.”
But I noticed it was a little light on something. Great job by the producers to almost completely refrain from showing any connection between Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson. Regardless, I’ve got $10 that says these two are sucking face on the red carpet for this film’s premiere, because if Rihanna can kiss Chris Brown at the VMAs, then love can make anything possible.