If there’s a down-and-out attractive girl in the news, you can bet there’ll be a porn company publicly offering her a job within the week. It’s a win-win for them. She either accepts, in which case, woohoo, more porn; or declines, in which case you still get free advertising for your site. So it is with YouPorn today and
disgraced uninhibited former Miss Delaware Teen USA Melissa M. King. YouPorn has publicly offered her a contract worth $250,000. The twist this time? It wouldn’t actually require her to do porn. Whaaa?
Here’s the open letter, via TMZ:
My name is Brandon Burns and I am the Marketing Director for Youporn.com. We are the largest adult site on the internet and one of the top websites in the world averaging over 15 million visitors a day. While you may have surrendered your tiara for Miss Teen USA, we’d like to keep that pretty head of yours topped with ours, and name you Miss Youporn!
Does he mean he wants her to wear his head on top of hers, or his tiara on top of her head? You never know when these porn guys are using poor grammar or just being kinky.
We’d like to offer you a compensation package of over $250,000 this year to go across the world and promote our site. We believe your incredible beauty and personality coupled with our internet trafﬁc is a “win win” for both of us.
We believe this story will only catapult your career and could really expose you to an entirely different audience. Many famous directors and producers frequent our site daily, we know this due to the emails we receive from them. I am sure through your travels with us as Miss Youporn, you will meet a lot of incredible people and see the world. We’d love to sit down with you and your representatives at your earliest
convenience. Please email me at email@example.com.
Again, strangely, the offer doesn’t appear to involve actually doing any sex on camera. Unless there’s some sick new UrbanDictionary definition of “tiara” that I’m not aware of. Anyway, if, as Miss Teen Delaware USA, Melissa King was expected to make appearances at state fairs and christen charity dunking booths, God only knows the kind of events she’d be getting invited to as Miss YouPorn. Would she cut the ribbon on Joe Francis’s latest sex trial? Break ground on new locations of Sunset Tan?
But on a serious note, Melissa King is apparently a scholar, a competitive gymnast, and an artist, which is all pretty impressive considering she was a foster kid from the age of 12 to 18. So yeah, this porn thing will probably prevent her from working for a fashion magazine or become a sideline reporter like she said she wanted to, but those are lame rom-com jobs anyway. It doesn’t mean she’s limited to becoming Miss YouPorn. There are as many potential sideline reporters as there are pretty girls. What society’s actually pretty short on are intelligent people willing to break sexual taboos and report back on it for the vicarious thrill of us normals. Maybe try to explore this experience in an honest way instead of pretending it didn’t happen? I mean, it worked for Diablo Cody.
Anyway, just a thought. What do you think, fellow Delaware resident Joe Biden?