As part of their always-solid “musicians review…” series, NextMovie brought in Oderus Urungus and Balsac the Jaws of Death of Gwar, to review the one-time Oscar favorite, Steven Spielberg’s Lincoln (these days, the smart money is on Argo). A year after calling War Horse “Snore Horse,” Oderus Urungus, presumably speaking for the pair, said, in part, “Steven Spielberg’s Lincoln blows! It’s boring and stupid. Everyone says it’s good, just because he directed it.”
Balsac the Jaws of Death, meanwhile, went on to level an even more specific critique at Sally Field’s portrayal of Mary Todd.
BALSAC THE JAWS OF DEATH: You know what I didn’t like about this movie? It’s that Gidget did a horrible job as Lincoln’s wife.
ODERUS URUNGUS: WHERE WAS THE MADNESS OF MARY TODD!?
I know I say this all the time, but I agree with Gwar. Spielberg tried to illustrate Mary Todd’s bi-polarity by showing her sad that her only son wanted to go off to war, which, while perhaps true, is also the most boring, played-out, period war movie cliché ever. Give us some juicy stuff, like maybe she bathes in the blood of Christian babies to stay young, or rigs up a special harness to have sex with her horse. You know, really spice things up.
If I could critique this critique, I would ask why Oderus Urungus and Balsac the Jaws of Death get to do all the reviews. They should get their bassist, Doug Peters, in on these. Doug is from Oregon.
I want more like this!
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