Strap in, folks, we've got a massive haul in the poster department this week, starting with everyone's favorite, Arrested Development. This brand new batch of AD posters features neither actors nor characters nor names of any kind, and instead cleverly focuses on the lifeblood of the Arrested Development phenomenon - insidery references to obscure plot points. Understanding them will make you feel like a part of a hip, exclusive club! Americana, minutia - call it Arrested Developmentia. I hear if you understand all the Arrested Development references in these, you can collect "bacon points" that can be redeemed for your exclusive Star Wars mash-up. #TheInternetExplained
ONLY 45 DAYS AWAY FROM THE PREMIERE OMG OMG OMG (*fans face with hand, pees pants, faints*)
Okay, I get this one. I think.
I definitely get this one. Haha, remember that?? With the dead dove?? Classic.
I don't really remember this one. Can we still be friends? Guys? ...Guys?
I wonder if they used a real ice block for this. Probably not. Is that what people had to do back in the olden times? Actually create the things they took pictures of? I don't know how anything works.
Okay, I definitely remember this one.
I was a never-nude for Bay to Breakers a few years back. Is that plus or minus hipster points?
I don't know what the eye icon means. :-(
There's always money in the banana stand.
Nice combination of picture and quote here, as it does look like he's actually hanging onto something for dear life. And the plaid shirt makes me think he's my kind of dude.
I don't know what to say here other than that's a hell of a poster. I wonder if Juno Temple will be playing a sexy-weird sexpot in this one. That's kind of her thing. Meanwhile, I like to think of Michael Angarano as the more likable Shia Labeouf.
Wise choice making these CBGB posters look like concert posters for all those cool bands. It definitely distracts you from the fact that it's a jukebox musical where a bunch of actors dress up and play covers of old songs, which it sounds like is what it is.
Wisely making the actors small enough that you can't tell they're actors. Again, wise choice.
When future historians look to movies for clues on what the early 21st century was like, it's going to be all rocket hands and stuff drilled into the backs of peoples' necks.
"All roads lead to this - diagonal city, where shit's always falling off your table, round things collect in the corner, and nothing is as it seems. DUNT DUNT DUNNNNN..."
Either the perspective's off, or, as they say, that's a huuuuge bitch.
Mother of Jesus, would you look at all those buttons? He must be an important man.
I love Baz Luhrmann, I just wish he'd take a less minimalist approach to composition, you know? Don't be afraid to get in there and really use some pops of color.
Put "The Hangover" in small letters and shoot John Goodman looking like the tree branch scene in O Brother Where Art Thou. Now that's a winning strategy if I've ever seen one. The man wears a scarf and a pinkie ring, and he makes it look good.
You'd be hard pressed to find a character who annoys me more than Chow, but this is a pretty badass poster.
I'm sure they would have us believe that that perfect half-tuck was just a lucky accident, but I know Bradley Cooper practices that in a full-length mirror every morning.
I'm blanking on the pig-mask reference. Someone help me out here.
They lined up the names with the top three pictures, so that's something. Plus... uh, Natasha Lyonne. I don't know. What are they all looking at?
Da Stafe's in a foreign city an 'e's about to say somefin rhetoricew, ain' Oy, Tommy.
I like to think they wanted to put Armie Hammer in a western-style cowboy shirt, but then they discovered that his WASP skin chafes if it's not ensconced in at least a sportcoat with a stiffly starched shirt.
I get the strong sense that they let Johnny Depp choose his own accessories for this one, and that Johnny Depp uses opportunities to accessorize as one of his key script-picking criteria. Also, I think he and Aerosmith have the same stylist. Who do you think averages more accessories?
"Accessorize" was my favorite Def Leppard album.
Hardest working hair in show business.
Look, it's a cute chick in a tasteful plaid. Well now I have to see this. I mean this just screams "adventure."
Tom Cruise is so light in the loafers that he's literally walking in the clouds! (I am ashamed).
If this poster is trying to subliminally remind me of The Big Lebowski, it's working.
This latest Pain and Gain poster is a great illustration of what Michael Bay looks for in a true story: BIG FREAKIN' 'SPLOSIONS! Is Mark Wahlberg getting hit by a car as it's crashing into a fruit stand, is that what's going on here? Or maybe there's an Asian man inside that car, and Marky is screaming insults at him while Snawtlips and Tommy and Dago Mike and the Boston crew throw fruit. "WHEYUD YOU LEARN HOW TA FACKIN' DRIVE, QUEAH TOWN?"
NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE
Oh thank God, another documentary about people in the fashion industry. At this point I'm convinced there are more documentaries about fashion designers than there are fashion designers.
It makes girls listen better when you grab them by the face like that. That's what movies have taught me, anyway. Grabbing by the bicep and shaking seems to work as well. Anyway, I really hope this is good, because Clive Owen is awesome, but he hasn't made a decent film in what seems like forever. James Marsh is the guy who did Man on a Wire and Project Nim, so if he can make a film half as good as his documentaries, we'll be set.
Set in 1990s Belfast, an active member of the IRA becomes an informant for MI5 in order to protect her son's welfare.
Hmm, something about this poster looks familiar...
Now that's how you poster. Though I wonder - did they have to remove any trace of crack to keep it from being too risque? And ballsy choice not putting Alice Eve on the poster. I have to say, her bitchy Aryan bob cut in Star Trek Into The Darkness really does it for me.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: Benedict Cumberbatch doesn't go anywhere without his scarf.
How is this not a Spring Breakers poster? Or a Mr. Brainwash art piece? It's impressive when your design consists entirely of inanimate objects and still manages to be as sexual as a dripping vagina (even the two names are vagina euphemisms). Also, James Gandolfini and Danny Trejo? Yes, please.
[posters via IMPA]