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Weekend Movie Guide: RED 2!!! RED 2!!! RED 2!!!

By / 07.19.13

RED 2 1

Opening Everywhere: RED 2, RIPD, Turbo, The Conjuring

Opening Somewhere: Only God Forgives, Girl Most Likely

FilmDrunk Suggests: I believe I’m one of the few people on this planet not directly involved with the making of the film RIPD that is holding out hope for it to not suck terribly and be a basic clone of Men in Black, as we’ve all been led to believe. Other than that, I’m more than excited for RED 2, as a fan of the original movie and Warren Ellis’ comic series that is obviously nothing like the film. So go see that so they’ll earn a ton of money and make RED 3.

RED 2 2

RED 2

Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 36% critics, 77% audience

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

“The best thing about RED 2, like its predecessor, is its lightness of tone. Too many movies with comic-book roots come on too seriously, even when the comics themselves have a loose, fast, jocular wit about them.” – Owen Gleiberman, Entertainment Weekly

“It’s quite possible that Helen Mirren has never had to speak such terrible dialogue in her life.” – Adam Nayman, Globe and Mail

Armchair Analysis: I just love the dipsh*t critics who think that RED 2, like the original, is supposed to be anything other than an exercise is some old people kicking a lot of ass around the globe. Oh how their sphincters must tighten with excruciating pain every time John Malkovich fires a bullet into the direct center of a rocket. If you hate it, you hate it. Go enjoy Despicable Me 2 and let the rest of us have fun.

RIPD

RIDP

Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 12% critics, 67% audience

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

“Perhaps there was a clever germ of an idea here, but the five credited writers didn’t develop characters, scenarios or rules in this sci-fi world well enough to engage the audience.” – Claudia Puig, USA Today

“As a major undertaking with clear sequel ambitions, there’s just not enough new and exciting here to cut it; when the brief 96-minute running time is one of its two or three only virtues, you know you’re in trouble.” – Todd McCarthy, Hollywood Reporter

Armchair Analysis: I guess I’m just firmly entrenched in the “Jeff Bridges can do no wrong” camp and am wishing that there’s something even somewhat redeemable about RIPD.


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