Forget what the other threads have been saying. This week’s Comments of the Week are all from the news that Ben Affleck is the next Batman. If Star Wars VII rumors are poison (and they are), then scenes from FilmDrunk’s collectively imaginary Southie Batman are the antidote. Commenters, you have made the internet a better place. You have spoiled me as a reader and raised the bar for every site in cyberspace, but here are those who did it best:
MickTravis4Life: Batman: “I WANNA KNOW WHICH JOHNNY DA FACKIN JOKAH IN HIS QUEAH AS FACK CLOWN CAH STOLE THE WHEEL OFF THE BAT MOBILE!”
Joker (to his clown gang): “Is he talking about us, or….?”
HarryW: Two-Face is going to be wearing a Patriots jersey with a Yankees hat.
Chareth Cutestory: ALFRED, YOU FACK, WHEYAHS MY FACKIN’ BUSHMILLS? I’M BROODING OUT MY WINDOWS WITH MY CAWK IN MY HAND.
HEY, CLAWK. I GAWT SOMETHIN YOU CAN KNEEL BEFOAH.
“Mr. Wayne! Care to comment on why you and the Batman are never in the same place at the same time?”
“BECAUSE I’M THE FACKIN BATMAN, YOU RETAHD.”
[gasps and flash bulbs abound]
“ANY OF YOU GAYLORDS SEEN MY CAH? IT’S LAWNG, BLACK AND FACKIN FIYAH SHOOTS OUT THE BACK?”
Stinky Pete: YOU KNOW WHAT KEEPE ME GOIN’, CLAHK?! THE THAWT THAT ONE DAY I’M GANNA WAWK UP TA YA FAWTRESS OF SAWLITUDE, AND YOU AIN’T THEAH. YA JUST TOOK OFF TO SAHM WICKED FAH PLANET AH SOME SHIT LIKE THAT. [...] YOU GAWT A WINNIN’ LAWTERY TICKET, CLAWK. IF YAW STILL WAHKIN AT THAT FAHKIN PAYPAH IN FIVE YEAHS, I’LL SHOVE A PIECE A KRYPTONITE SO FAH UP YAWR ASS PEOPLE AH GONNA THINK YAW A QWAHTZ FAHKIN WATCH.
HEY BRUCE, DO YOU LIKE APPLES?
* kills his mother and father *
WELL HOW DO YA LIKE THEM APPLES?!
Incredible Tulk: With this casting choice, I will find it difficult to believe anything other than Bruce’s parents killing themselves.
There are no winners; you are all heroes today. As the days pass and your glory becomes legend, remember to keep your wits about you, and nominate your favorite comments of the week in the comments section of this very thread. For next week, the winner will receive a poorly photoshopped scene of their choosing (description limited to 140 characters). Or I will be lost in the desert without internet.
Images via Getty.