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Comments of the Week: The Alias Slur

By 08.18.13
Thanks, Getty.

Thanks, Getty.


Thank God for Juggalos, because if there’s anything that inspires good comments, it’s our favorite FBI-designated Gang of clowns, ninjas, and homies (homies). Which is not to say that the other threads fell by the wayside. There were plenty of cocaine puns, Parkinson’s jokes, and bot arguments. Please, join us.

I’m not a big fan of puns because they’re usually weak, halfway wordplays that leave me shaking my head instead of genuinely impressed (unlike “I collect many pelts, fur instance…”). But then along comes Larry with his short and sweet contribution to Vince’s post showing Quentin Tarantino dancing like a deaf white guy on Golden Girls.

My guess is that he had a lot more than three lines.

Not only a good cocaine joke, but a point about how Tarantino talks a lot. SOLID pun. Moving on, we found that teamwork wasn’t impossible for you monstrous vulgarians, demonstrated beautifully in the Stallone v. Bruce Willis post:

doopdedoop: Who would win in a fight, John Rambo or John McClane?

Otto Man: At this point? Parkinson’s.

You two had me giggling; I now pronounce you man and wife (sort that out between yourselves), may your future of paired comments shine bright. This next post is on the inspirational side, and it comes from Day One of Vince’s must-read GotJ Tour Diary. First a spam post:

my friend’s step-mother makes $66 hourly on the internet. She has been fired for 6 months but last month her paycheck was $20051 just working on the internet for a few hours. Read more on this web site ………….zee44•com

And then TheLordsCloaca showed up to prove that the machines haven’t taken over yet:

That would mean she worked about 10 hours per day, every day, for the last 31 days. That’s not a “few hours”. She is either the most robust, work-obsessed whore to come down the pike or you are a liar. I think you are a liar. A stinking lying sack of shit from some stupid lying city in a hell-hole lying country! I think you should go to hell and suck Satan’s anus for your sins.

I love it. The pride, the retribution. You did it, TheLordsCloaca, you beat them at their own game. But you know who beat ALL Y’ALL at the game? Chareth Cutestory. I try to mix things up, give everyone a chance at the spotlight, but Chareth really kill’t it these past two weeks. From Day Two at the Gathering:

“Yo, for real, if you’ve ever been grifted by a tree and then tacitly endorsed a sex offense, then raise your motherf*ckin’ giant-ass thumbs!”

One of many from the Day One post:

This next song goes out to Gay Dave. Rest in peace, my ninja. I know you’re up there somewhere, butt-f*cking God or some shit.

Two weeks ago, from the casting rumors that mentioned a “Max Martini” as a potential Batman.

And I refuse to confirm this, but there’s no way that Max Martini is a real person. “Max Martini” is the alias you slur at a police horse when you get caught shitting into a trombone at Jazz Fest.

That’s how it’s done, ladies and gentlemen. Chareth, your prize is a poorly photoshopped scene of your choosing (though no one seems to be taking me up on this. Are my photoshops not masterful?) Description limited to 140 characters; include it in the comments below or contact me on Twitter. To the rest: remember to keep your wits about you, and nominate your favorite comments of the week in the comments section of this very thread. For next week, the winner will receive a poorly photoshopped scene of their choosing (description limited to 140 characters). Or I can give you the flu.


TAGSCHARETH CUTESTORYCOMMENTS OF THE WEEKDOOPDEDOOPLARRYOTTO MANTHELORDSCLOACA

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