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Jack Nicholson isn’t retired, he just thinks movies suck now

By 09.16.13

“I’ll never retire from loving porno mags.” -Jack Nicholson quote I just made up.


Last week Radar Online published an item from an unnamed source “close to” Jack Nicholson, saying the actor had quietly retired from acting due to memory problems. That story was quickly, predictably refuted, but it wasn’t until recently that Jack Nicholson commented publicly himself. Nicholson told the always reliable The Sun (*winks, armpit farts*) that he has a “mathematician’s brain,” and that he’s not retired, he just doesn’t feel like doing movies and most of them are crappy now anyway.

He tells Britain’s The Sun, “I have a mathematician’s brain… I’m not going to work until the day I die, that’s not why I started this. I mean, I’m not driven. I was driven – but I’m not, I don’t have to be out there any more.

“In fact, there’s part of me that never really liked being out there… You get older, you change.”

“The movie business is the greatest business but I only want to do films that move people, films about emotions and people.

“I had the most chilling thought that maybe people in their twenties and thirties don’t actually want to be moved anymore. They may want just to see more bombs, more explosions, because that is what they have grown up with. And I’ll never do that type of movie.” [SydneyMorningHerald]

Psh, it’s not just movies with bombs and explosions, we also like the kind that show the dongs going in.

Anyway, we forget because he’s out in public so often, but Jack Nicholson has only made seven movies since ’97. It’s a shame one of those was Anger Management, but you can’t fault the guy for not wanting to waste his time on crap. He could do indies, but I suspect they don’t pay him enough to get off the couch.

Nicholson’s love of wild parties is, but the actor insists he has always been able to take care of himself.

“Contrary to opinion, however sated I got, I always looked after myself. I’m in good shape – a little stout, but healthy. And I’ve done it all,” he said.

“I’ve woken up in trees, I’ve woken up almost hanging off cliffs, but I’ve always known how to sort myself out.”

“If men are honest, everything they do and everywhere they went was for a chance to see women. A lot of me being an actor was about that, and about me.

“There were points in my life when I felt oddly irresistible to women. I’m not in that state now, which makes me sad,” he said.

“Now I don’t have any hair below my sock line, and that means you’re getting old, Jackie boy. It comes out of my ears instead. I mean, how many times have I slashed my earlobes?”

“Slashed my earlobes?” Is that some old-timey slang I’m not familiar with? Some weird trend from olden times, like flagpole sitting? I know “have a slash” is Aussie slang for peeing, but I can’t imagine Jack Nicholson peeing on his own earlobes. Funny mental picture though.

In any case, Jack Nicholson sounds like he doesn’t feel like wasting the time he has left, and more power to him. The best part about being old and rich is doing whatever the hell you want. And remember, the great ones don’t really get older, they just get longer, smellier balls.

(pic of Nicholson via Getty)


TAGSJACK NICHOLSON

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