I’m sure you all breathlessly read gossip news about Twilight stars and retain every word, but just in case, back in 2012, the big news was that Kristen Stewart was photographed hooking up with her Snow White And The Huntsman director Rupert Sanders (pictured, above, in matching outfits), which led to the break up of both their relationships. Joan Rivers obviously keeps up with all the blogs and the tumblrs to remain relevant, and thus included a hard-hitting K-Stew diss in a released portion of her forthcoming book, “Diary of a Mad Diva.”
In her book, which is due out next month, Rivers wrote: “Many stars only do one thing well. Of course, the best one-trick-pony is Kristen Stewart, who got a whole career by being able to juggle a director’s balls.”
I’m guessing this book is best read with slide whistle in mouth and fedora on head while eagerly turning pages, shouting “Hiyo!” “Zing!” and “Oh know she (*fart noise*)!”
Anyway, one could read that joke as a general diss about Kristen Stewart nailing directors, OR, as a specific one about Stewart’s relationship with Sanders. Stewart clearly chose the latter (which honestly makes more sense, since Kristen Stewart has always seemed more confused or constipated than slutty), and wasn’t too happy about it:
“I am now being sued by Kristen Stewart,” Rivers told a TMZ cameraman. “She obviously didn’t read our disclaimer, which says it’s a comedy book. I can’t wait to get her into court because I’m gonna get a puppet and I want her to show me on the puppet where she thinks I claim she touched her director. I am looking forward to it.”
“Her lawyer contacted my lawyer, which shows the sense of humor she has,” the 81-year-old continued. “My answer to her was, ‘Be glad you’re not a Kardashian because they’re mentioned a lot more in the book’ … I’m a comedian. I’ve been doing it for 50 years. If people don’t get it, then don’t come and see me. It’s okay. Don’t read the book. If you’re gonna take it seriously, you’re a fool.”
I always feel compelled to defend Joan Rivers, on account of her being a pioneering comedian who’s still pretty damn funny any time she isn’t discussing wardrobe choices with her wet blanket daughter, but if she’s promoting a book that sounds like it consists entirely of hot takes on Twilight, the Kardashians, and Miley Cyrus, I feel like she could come up with a zing a lot more zingy than “ball juggler.” I’m not sure that one’s even true enough to really sting. If anything, Kristen Stewart she rode to fame on a Mormon morality tale by combining indigestion with intense whiteness. She’s like the acting equivalent of bread soaked in milk.
I want more like this!
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