I was so caught up in Johnny Depp’s dog drama of the past few days that I glossed right over the most amazing thing about the banner image I chose. As commenter AB noted, Depp appears to be wearing:
1. A denim shirt
2. That has been cut off
3. Unevenly
4. In such a way that is either distressed or performed with something other than scissors
5. And has been safety pinned back together
6. At the navel
Here’s a closer look:
It goes without saying, this is a man who has been photographed stepping out of a private jet. Given the circumstances, I feel comfortable in saying that there is no way that shirt cost less than a thousand dollars (if you have any idea who made that shirt or where it came from, please, please email us with evidence).
I like to think it went down something like this:
(*man crumples $10 denim shirt into a ball, hits it once with a dull machete, adds safety pin*)
“That’ll be $10,000, Mr. Depp.”
That shirt is so incredible that you barely even notice he’s wearing at least three necklaces, one featuring a shark’s tooth. And appears to have wrapped his right hand in a red handkerchief like some kind of especially foppish French musketeer. Or perhaps he removed it from around his neck to keep it from blowing off in the wind generated by his jet turbines? I’m not sure which possibility is more amazing.
Meanwhile, he’s stepping off a private jet with one of the hottest women on the planet whom he recently converted from lesbianism (okay, so maybe it was only ever the media who said she was lesbian). Must be nice. God bless you, Johnny Depp, you globetrotting, shark-hunting, homeless, motorcycle-riding French musketeer, you.