I think we all needed a palate cleanser after that last depressing post about Kathryn Bigelow and Mark Boal’s handbasket to hell, and as usual, Us Weekly’s got us covered. This might be the most asinine news story since Ashley Greene’s homemade mojitos. AND it’s got pretty much all my favorite things: Bed-smashing abstinence vampire sex from Twilight, pillow-biting, and my all-time favorite actor, Boo Boo Stewart.
Kristen Stewart’s favorite moment in The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 was the wedding scene between Bella Swan and Edward Cullen. Her real-life beau, on the other hand, says he preferred the bed-breaking sex scene during their honeymoon .
YOU KNOW HOW WOMEN BE ALL LIKIN’ MARRIAGE, BUT MEN JUS BE WANTIN’ SEX? AND THEN WOMEN BE SHOPPING AND MEN JUS TRYNA WATCH DA GAME?? IT’S LIKE WE FROM DIFFERENT PLANETS AN’ SHEEIT!
“I wanted to have it as a line so much: ‘I bit through all the pillows. Every. Single. One.’ And then he’d start crying,” Robert Pattinson, 25, says in the new issue of Entertainment Weekly. “By the way, that’s what he should be ashamed of in the morning. All those beautiful pillows! Egyptian cotton! I ruined this bed!”
That sounds like a line the FilmDrunkards would write for Edward Cullen the sparkling abstinent vampire. I know some people don’t want to hear it, but Robert Pattinson actually seems pretty cool. By the way, I would bet my entire paycheck that no one at Us Weekly realized that that was a gay joke.
Still, 21-year-old Stewart insists that their characters’ honeymoon scene pales [PUN INTENDED, SQUIDERP! -Ed] in comparison to the long-awaited union between Bella and Edward.
“It’s a trip to watch the wedding scenes, especially,” she says. “It was so volatile and emotional — I was being such a crazy person.”
“These cartoonish marriage fantasies written by a woman with the mind of a sixth grader really took a toll on me emotionally. By the way, has anyone noticed I’m the most boring person alive?”
BUT WAIT! WE CAN’T END AN US WEEKLY STORY THERE! WHAT DOES BOO BOO STEWART HAVE TO SAY???
The couple’s costar Boo Boo Stewart recently spoke to Us Weekly about Bella and Edward’s nuptials, saying that “[Billy Burke] made that scene really great because he had to walk [Stewart] down the aisle, and I think he really did a great job.”
“It was weird,” Boo Boo, 17, added. “I was sitting there and I was like, ‘This is actually really touching.'” [USWeekly]
NO ONE CAN PUT A BOW ON A TWILIGHT STORY LIKE YOU DO, BOO BOO! DON’T EVER CHANGE!