Captain America looks awesomely homoerotic

Today we have some brand new footage from Marvel’s Captain America: First Avenger, courtesy of Entertainment Tonight.  As this new clip illustrates, Captain America tells the quintessentially American story — boy grows up a spindly pussy, boy gets shot full of performance-enhancing drugs, boy becomes man, man kills Hitler.  It’s the American dream.  It personifies our own country’s journey, from upstart twink to jacked power top.  But even more so than the story, something about it seemed familiar…

The way that government scientist with the pedo ‘stache slowly peers over the top of his sunglasses, in awe of the chiseled, hairless hunk of finely-oiled masculinity in front of him… It felt like something I’d seen before, and not just because I watch a lot of UFC. Gayja vu, if you will.

Then it hit me: Chris Farley in the commercial for Schmitt’s Gay, the beer that turns boring house-sitting into a gay Van Halen pool party.

So if you’ve got a big thirst for superheros, and you’re gay, reach for a cold, tall glass of Chris Evans.  He’s the shirtlessest! (*puts on star-spangled speedo, air guitars lead from “Hot for Teacher”*)

[trailer coming this Thursday, sneak peak after the jump]

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