Cat Ladies Ruin Everything: Snow White & the Huntsman Made $56m

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06.04.12 16 Comments

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, what emotion does this expression convey?"

Illustrating yet again the American public’s endless appetite for overwrought, psuedo-goth nonsense, Snow White and the Huntsman earned a whopping $56 million over the weekend. My sources tell me the project was initially spearheaded by Jeff Goldblum’s character in Independence Day doing some free-word association. “Twilight… apples… poisoned apples… Snow White… Snow White eating poisoned apples… heartburn… Kristen Stewart.”

Snow White and the Huntsman opened at 3,773 locations and grossed a strong estimated $56.26 million. That’s the fourth-highest debut this year behind The Avengers, The Hunger Games and The Lorax, and above last weekend’s MIB 3. It’s also more than Universal’s Battleship has made through 17 days ($55.1 million), and is close to previous Snow White movie Mirror Mirror’s entire run ($62.5 million).

Perhaps more surprising, though, is that the audience skewed older (52 percent were 30 years of age and up), meaning Snow White had true four-quadrant appeal. It does remain unclear if Snow White will hold up well in coming weeks, though: it received a middling “B” CinemaScore, and there are some very competitive titles (Prometheus, Rock of Ages, among others) on the way. [BoxOfficeMojo]

So it had “four-quadrant appeal,” but no one really liked it. And there you have the perfect film from a commercial standpoint. “Shrugs for the whole family! Shiny enough to briefly attract attention! As pretty as a fashion magazine with half the depth!”

Anyway, the site’s been off and on, so I haven’t had a chance to finish my review, but I think my favorite part of the film was when Kristen Stewart gave a big speech to rally all her troops, saying “Iron will melt! But it will ride inside itself! I am the hope that grows inside of you! I will be your weapon!” So basically, I can’t wait for the sequel to explain what the f*ck any of that means.

In semi-related news, “do you want to go see Snow White?” has now become the preferred euphemism for cocaine.


Dark Knight Rises
Total Recall
Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter
BOMB PICK: The Raven: $26 million budget – $7 million opening = 19 million

The Avengers: $207 million opening
Men in Black 3: 55 million
Ice Age
BOMB PICK: Men in Black 3: 215 million budget – 55 million = 160
TOTAL: 422

Snow White & The Huntsman: 56
Bourne Legacy
BOMB PICK: Dark Shadows: $150 million – 28 million
TOTAL: 178

GI Joe: Retaliation. The Watch
BOMB PICK: Rock of Ages

Amazing Spider-Man
Battleship: $25 million
Expendables 2
BOMB PICK: Battleship: 209m – 25m = 184
TOTAL: 209

OPENING THIS WEEKEND: Prometheus, Madagascar 3

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Vince Mancini is a writer, comedian, and podcaster. A graduate of Columbia’s non-fiction MFA program, his work has appeared on FilmDrunk, the UPROXX network, the Portland Mercury, the East Bay Express, and all over his mom’s refrigerator.

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