Drunk woman shouting “I’m Jack Sparrow!” hijacked a ferry on Talk Like a Pirate Day

Senior Writer
09.21.12 8 Comments

In case you weren’t smart enough to avoid Twitter and Facebook on Wednesday, you probably noticed that it was “International Talk Like a Pirate Day”, because we have a day for pretty much anything else you can think of so why not that, too? Well folks, it’s all fun and games on Talk Like a Pirate Day until someone loses a passenger ferry to a drunken pirate, which is exactly what happened in Dartmouth, Devon, U.K.

Alison Whelan, 51, was just minding her own business on a 2-day bender, when she suddenly decided to invoke Pirates of the Caribbean and steal a ferry, because when you’re mega-butthoused it’s either that or poop your pants, and boats are way more fun.

Whelan was so drunk on Lambrini she dialled 999 and officers raced to the scene but she then unmoored the 45ft vessel and started drifting away.

She was heard shouting “I’m Jack Sparrow” and “I’m A Pirate” as she made her escape on the double-decker ferry.

But the boat then began hitting other vessels ”like a pinball machine” – including a £70,000 catamaran, Torquay Magistrates Court in Devon heard.

The boat finally came to rest an hour later a mile upstream where lifeboats arrived to tow Whelan and her accomplice back to the harbour.

When arrested she claimed that she ”would have ended up in St Tropez” if she hadn’t been caught. (Via the Telegraph)

For her maritime crimes, Whelan received 122 days in jail for “aggravated vehicle taking” which is really a thing. According to the police, she eventually admitted that she didn’t even think of stealing the ferry until she had untied three of the docking ropes because she kept tripping over them. Eventually she just said, “ARRRRRRRGH! F*ck ye!” and untied the rest of the ropes, because her ass just started sailing.

But every stolen ferry story has a silver lining. With this latest arrest, Whelan may finally get the help she needs to battle her problem with alcohol. You know, until she receives her new liver that she’s currently waiting on, and then yo ho ho, blow the bottle of gin down.

[Requisite Arrested Development reference: She needs a maritime lawyer! Call Chareth Cutestory! -Vince]


Author Profile Picture
Ashley Burns has written about movies, TV, and sports for UPROXX since the site's first day.

Around The Web

How Keeping Austin Weird Turned Into A Widespread Phenomenon

02.15.17 4 days ago 11 Comments

How Kevin Gates Went From Underground To Platinum In A Year And Changed The Game In The Process

02.02.17 2 weeks ago 6 Comments

Look For The Star: How Starter Jackets Became The Iconic Clothing Of The Early ’90s

01.31.17 3 weeks ago 9 Comments

‘Dream, Try, Do Good’: The Oral History Of ‘Boy Meets World’

01.31.17 3 weeks ago 6 Comments

How Frank Barsalona Created The Modern Rock Concert And Got Himself Into The Hall Of Fame

01.30.17 3 weeks ago

The Story Behind Gus Fring’s Stunningly Explosive Moment On ‘Breaking Bad’

and 01.30.17 3 weeks ago 5 Comments

How Toronto’s Boosie Fade Transformed From A Rap DJ Night Into A Digital Movement

01.12.17 1 month ago

Infiltrating The Bills Mafia To Find Out Why Fans Keep Supporting The NFL’s Most Hopeless Team

01.01.17 2 months ago 8 Comments

From Ray Charles To Jimi Hendrix: How Seattle Helped Create R&B And Rock And Roll

01.01.17 2 months ago 6 Comments

‘Stop Crying And Fight Your Father’: ‘Seinfeld’ Writers Tell How Festivus Came To Be

and 12.23.16 2 months ago 12 Comments

The Lasting Impact Of Adidas Tearaway Pants On Hip-Hop And A Hoops Generation

12.08.16 2 months ago 2 Comments

Understanding The History And The Motivations Behind The Standing Rock Protests

12.02.16 3 months ago 6 Comments

How Do We Combat The Intensifying War On Science?

and 11.30.16 3 months ago 30 Comments

Exploring The Intersection Of Hip-Hop And Social Justice

and 11.30.16 3 months ago

From Near ‘Simpsons’ Spinoff To A Check Against Hollywood Ridiculousness: Why ‘The Critic’ Still Matters

11.29.16 3 months ago 25 Comments

Willie Nelson’s Love Affair With Weed Made Him An Outlaw And A Country Music Revolutionary

11.22.16 3 months ago 2 Comments

How ‘Above The Rim’ Merged Streetball And Hip-Hop To Make A Cautionary Tale About Choices

and 11.18.16 3 months ago 6 Comments

The Story Of The Fugees’ Bitter Breakup And Unforgettable Legacy

11.10.16 3 months ago 13 Comments