This week saw the annual Miss Universe “costume parade,” in which women from all over the world walked the runway in costumes meant to celebrate the pride and distinctive values of their home nations, preferably while making their tits look good. The event is basically like if the It’s a Small World ride at Disneyland got felt up by a lowrider magazine and shot out of a glitter cannon. And the contestants are meant to serve as important role models for impressionable young girls, provided those young girls are Toddlers and Tiaras freakshows.
Miss USA Erin Brady’s costume, however, didn’t quite have the intended effect, it seems, with observers calling it everything from “Optimus (sub) Prime,” a “Drag queen version of Optimus Prime,” “a travesty,” and “fashioned from some left over washing-up liquid bottles, yogurt pots, cardboard boxes and a lot of glitter, the preschoolers who made this must have had great fun,” that last one according to a fashion editor at the Telegraph. (No one out-bitchys the British).
Those humorless Brits, that’s why we dressed up like Injuns and dumped all your fruity tea in the harbor all those years ago. I think the costume was awesome, and nothing says AMERICA! like a hot chick dressed up as Optimus Prime. The only thing that would’ve made this more awesome is if Michael Bay had showed up and pressed a button that made the whole thing fall off, and then she did a strip show set to a Dokken song.
I know Anderson Cooper agrees with me:
Here’s Anderson Cooper’s segment on it, in which he seems to be seeing the pictures for the first time. Is that how CNN works? They show the host some pictures he knows nothing about and they film him reacting to them live? Nice work there, guys.