Steven Seagal: ‘I don’t keep track of space and time too well’

My favorite thing about Steven Seagal, aside from his unique physiological reaction to arousal (ALLEGEDLY), is the absolute conviction with which he undertakes every task.  Put a harmonica in front of Steven Seagal’s face, and Steven Segal believes with every fibre of Steven Seagal’s being that Steven Seagal is a famous blues musician.  Teach him a few words of Jamaican patois?  Guess what, he’s Jamaican now.

So back in June, I posted video of Seagal “training” UFC middleweight champ Anderson Silva.  From the looks of the video, he taught Silva mostly techniques that are illegal in MMA, like karate chops to the neck and eye gouges (not to mention that he didn’t seem to be able to wrap his mind around the fact that Silva is a southpaw).  Fast-forward to Saturday night, when Silva won his title fight by rare, front-kick knockout.  The teep kick is a Muay Thai move, usually used defensively, but it’s been used as a weapon before, and it was probably only a matter of time before someone scored a knockout with it is an awesome move, and what makes it even more amazing is that Steven Seagal totally invented it!

ARIEL HELWANI: Have youSteven-Seagal-yellow-glasses ever seen someone in a combat sports match knock someone out with that kick?

STEVEN SEAGAL: [taken aback] …Well nobody knows the kick. I’m teaching it to [former light heavyweight champ and Silva training partner Lyoto] Machida and Machida-koon [?] and Anderson and a few of the Brazilians, but, we haven’t really used it much yet.  I haven’t shown it to many people yet.

ARIEL HELWANI: How did you get in touch with Anderson?

STEVEN SEAGAL: Anderson actually sent me a memo, saying ‘will you please teach me your deadly stuff?’

Anderson Silva won his fight because Steven Seagal showed him a deadly move that NO ONE ELSE KNOWS: the mysterious “front kick.”  Do not doubt for a second that Steven Seagal believes this to be true one hundred percent.

The money quote of this video comes at the 39-second mark:

KARYN BRYANT: How long have you been training together?

STEVEN SEAGAL: Oh gosh, I don’t know long ago that was, I don’t really keep track of space and time too well.

GAME. OVER.  Steven Seagal is my favorite public figure behind Gary Busey.


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