Last week, I told you about how Steven Seagal would be teaming up with Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio to train “a posse” on how to respond to school shootings. This was of obvious interest to us, because the idea of an overweight zen master who Joe Arpaio once allowed to ride in a tank to bust up an alleged cockfighting ring, which resulted in the arrest of one sleeping Mexican dude and the death of 115 chickens and a puppy, training others how to respond during a real crisis, is easily the worst idea that anyone has ever had, and anyone who thinks it’s a good one should never be allowed near a gun or a child and should probably be sterilized. But comedy and tragedy are kissing cousins, so now let us put away our earnest reservations to laugh at Steven Seagal and his dumb scarf.
Seagal, a burly martial arts expert turned actor, guided 48 volunteers through various aspects of responding to a shooting, including room-to-room searches, and critiqued their work.
“I am here to try to teach the posse firearms and martial arts to try to help them learn how to respond quicker and help protect our children,” Seagal said.
Arpaio’s volunteers, some trained and qualified to carry the same guns as deputies, can intervene if there is an imminent threat to life. To add realism to the training event, guns firing non-lethal rounds that leave a color mark were used.
Or, to put it another way, Steven Seagal showed up and they shot each other with paintball guns while people cheered. Do they do bachelor parties? That sounds fun.
Arpaio’s 3,450-strong posse of unpaid men and women has for years helped the sheriff target drunken drivers and illegal immigrants, and chase down fathers who are behind on child support.
Last year, Arpaio sent posse members to Hawaii to investigate the authenticity of Obama’s birth certificate at the request of local Tea Party activists, a key Arpaio constituency. [Reuters]
Well I feel safer knowing there are 3500 Arizona birthers armed to the teeth ready to shoot anything brown, don’t you? Arizona is like Florida’s unemployed cousin who orders knives out of the back of Soldier of Fortune.
Key quote, one cop telling another: “Pretty simple, right? Just go in and save the day. And don’t get shot.” It’s almost as if they’ve seen too many movies or something. I know, I know, it sounds like a crazy thing to say about a group of people who treat Steven Seagal like a real policeman.
2:05 SEAGAL: “You’re not doctors and lawyers when you’re responding [as if there was any danger of that], you’re cops. So when you say ‘get down on the ground,’ they gotta do it. If they don’t do it, you gotta make ’em comply – quick.”
So basically, Steven Seagal was talking to a gun-toting vigilante, and the main thrust of his advice was “don’t take any shit off nobody.” Perfect.
[pics via Reuters]