Because directing the last Star Trek movie and the next Star Wars movie apparently isn’t enough work for him, JJ Abrams and his Bad Robot production company recently released this mysterious teaser to Entertainment Weekly. Only he didn’t say what it was for! Silly JJ! The opening title just says “Stranger,” and the minute-long teaser shows a contrasty hobo washing up on a beach somewhere, under a gravitastical narration that sounds vaguely like Liam Neeson saying, “He arrived here knowing nothing of himself. Who is he? Soon he will know.”
What does it mean!?? It’s time to speculate wildly! (*fires pistols into ceiling*)
Obviously, a lot of sites are tossing off wild guesses as to what this teaser might mean. Luckily, I have the actual answer, thanks to this Secret JJ Abrams Project Decoder Ring that I bought from an old man in Chinatown a few years back.
It turns out, the project is called…. “Be… sure… to drink… your… Ovaltine?” WHAT?! GOD DAMN YOU, ABRAMS! YOU’VE PRANKED ME FOR THE LAST TIME!
Oh well, at least we decoded the Lost ending.