I am openly and unconditionally in the tank for the insane videos produced by Taiwan’s NMA Studios, so when I saw that they put one together on the Disney-Lucasfilm merger I immediately cleared the next three minutes of my very busy schedule and clicked play. I was not disappointed. The video starts — STARTS — with a cigar-smoking Mickey Mouse handing a $4 billion check to George Lucas in a strip club and proceeding to walk out arm-in-arm with Princess Leia, and it somehow manages to get even better from there. I don’t want to spoil the whole thing for you more than I already have with the headline and banner image, but I will say that (a) The plot of this video is significantly more interesting than anything that happened in the three most recent Star Wars films, which is a statement I feel comfortable making even though I have not seen a single computer-generated second of any of them, and (b) I want the t-shirt at the 2:17 mark more than any of you can possibly imagine.
Never change, you weirdos. Do you hear me? NEVER.