Taylor Lautner & The Rock to Play David & Goliath, Obviously

Senior Editor
08.31.11 15 Comments

Let’s get one thing straight: there’s about a 90% chance that this movie will never happen. That said, it’s still a terrifying window into the mind of the two former Twilight producers trying to make it happen (Marty Bowen and Wyck Godfrey). The story: Twitch reports that six-foot-five The Rock is in negotiations to play Goliath, while the offer has already gone out to five-foot-ten Taylor Lautner to play David, in an adaptation of that famous story from the Old Testament, Fake Wrestler and the Twink.

Here’s the synopsis from when the project was first announced in January (said to be in the “spirit” of Bourne and 300, natch):

The story is set in motion when the fierce warrior Goliath is sent to track down a foretold king of the Israelites. A young shepherd David is thrust into an epic chase and adventure fighting for his own life…

EPIC CHASE! ADVENTURE FIGHTING! If that isn’t a fancy way of saying parkour, I’ll wash off this Vaseline.

…the lives of his loved ones and eventually the lives of his people. The story climaxes in a battle of literal Biblical proportions between the young man and the giant sent to destroy him.

LITERAL BIBLICAL PROPORTIONS. Holy sh*t. I can’t tell if that means “really big” (A MEAL FIT FOR A DEITY!), or if it means they’re going to try to feed 5,000 people with two fish. I bet they meant the first, but the reality will be more like the second.

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