This Week In Netflix And Streaming: ‘All Cheerleaders Must Die’, ‘Transcendence’

07.24.14 3 years ago 25 Comments
AllCheerleadersMustDie

Image Entertainment

Welcome to the Streaming Column, a column that involves advice on what to stream, helpful dog training techniques, and of course all the jokes and references to people’s moms you’ve come to love and expect! This week, I’m going to have to pull out a bunch of my writer tricks including (but not limited to) subterfuge, chicanery, flimflam, and obfuscation. Why all the tomfoolery? There’s so little going on right now! I realize I complain about this every week, and we play our little mind games with each other, but this time around I think the Netflix Streaming gods may have decided to really screw with me. Seven titles, seven chances to find streaming bounty. Let’s get it on.

Top Netflix Streamer of the Week (streaming)
“All Cheerleaders Die”
Strong title, strong imagery, strong trailer. After that it’s probably bad news. This premiered at TIFF a few years back and didn’t make many waves. You wanna make waves, especially if you’re a cheeky little horror. Jerk critics line up all day to support tripe such as that.
Streamability: Drunk, or possibly on a bachelor party weekend. Other than that, nah.

Subscribe to UPROXX

Netflix Curio of the Week (streaming)
“Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs: Season 1”
I have so many questions. The dinosaur wiggling his tail in such a cute manner makes me feel like we’re really not preparing our children for time travel back to the dino age very well. They’d just get eaten, they’d get eaten right up. “Why isn’t he wiggling his tail?”, they’d wonder, as an alpha predator stalked them. I tell you, our education system is in shambles.
Streamability: I watch stuff like this all the time, so that I can stay hip and with it. Can’t see why anyone else would though, unless you have little tiny non-prepared children.

The Netflix Tim Allen Memorial (streaming, July 26)
“Christmas with the Kranks”
Tim Allen used to be a huge deal. He had that show about home improvement that didn’t really help anyone at all, it was just the vehicle for Tim Allen to tell jokes. I’ll admit to reading his book, “Don’t Stand Too Close to a Naked Man” back in the day. But that was just the era. The Kranks the Klumps and the Fockers are all branches from the same poisoned tree, attempting to mine the fertile comedic ground that the Hendersons (of “Harry and the Hendersons”) and the Griswolds laid down before them. They DO NOT get there. However, if you want to decide for yourself, take it away, marketing copy!

A break from the frenetic activity of Christmas is what Luther Krank and his wife have in mind when they decide to skip the holiday, nixing the tree and the rooftop Frosty. But can they handle the fallout from their crestfallen family and neighbors?

Well CAN they?!!! Somehow, I bet they can.

Streamability: On a lark.

Random Netflix I Had to Point Out for Filler (streaming)
“New in Town”
This has actually been out a few months, but it’s new to me, and I refuse to see the world through other people’s eyes. From his old special there’s a bit called “The Salt and Pepper Diner” that made me giggle like a little school girl, all while I covered my mouth like a Japanese schoolgirl. I’m Multi-cultural schoolchildren? I can see the world through other’s eyes after all! Huzzah!
Streamability: He’s a funny man.

Your Guess is as Good as Mine (streaming)
“The Samaritan”
I haven’t seen it, but as it’s one of the 712 movies that star Samuel L. Jackson, I’m keen to give it a watch.
Streamability: In a pinch? Or maybe a choke hold?

Transcendence

Streaming Paid Title Only I Like (streaming)
“Transcendence” (Google / Amazon, $3.99)
Watching “Her”, this, and “Lucy” back-to-back would lead to some interesting conversations around your dinner table. You’d also probably come to the conclusion that we’re on the precipice of some very serious computer mayhem. If the dinosaurs don’t, these guys are definitely taking over. Singularity and whatnot. We’re gonna live forever. This streaming column will be brought to you by AOL (who will make a huuuuuge comeback) in 2087. Don’t get me wrong, the film has massive problems near the end. Before that though, I likey.
Streamability: I liked it a lot more than most, but then again I’m super deep like that. [Vince’s Note: I too mostly liked it okay.]

And Finally … (streaming)
“Serenity”
A space western I really appreciate, a clear predecessor of “Guardians of the Galaxy”, is “Serenity”. This was Joss Whedon’s first feature film, before the “Avengers” noise, and I think it holds up. I like the mix of comedy and serious, working like a manual transmission. About five million people saw this in the theater, so you might have seen it since. If not, make a weekend plan around it. Serve BBQ.
Streamability: Aye aye!

See you next week, friend of friends.

Laremy needs friends on Twitter. If you call him, he’ll be there. He’ll be around.

Around The Web

How Keeping Austin Weird Turned Into A Widespread Phenomenon

02.15.17 4 days ago 11 Comments

How Kevin Gates Went From Underground To Platinum In A Year And Changed The Game In The Process

02.02.17 2 weeks ago 6 Comments

Look For The Star: How Starter Jackets Became The Iconic Clothing Of The Early ’90s

01.31.17 3 weeks ago 9 Comments

‘Dream, Try, Do Good’: The Oral History Of ‘Boy Meets World’

01.31.17 3 weeks ago 6 Comments

How Frank Barsalona Created The Modern Rock Concert And Got Himself Into The Hall Of Fame

01.30.17 3 weeks ago

The Story Behind Gus Fring’s Stunningly Explosive Moment On ‘Breaking Bad’

and 01.30.17 3 weeks ago 5 Comments

How Toronto’s Boosie Fade Transformed From A Rap DJ Night Into A Digital Movement

01.12.17 1 month ago

Infiltrating The Bills Mafia To Find Out Why Fans Keep Supporting The NFL’s Most Hopeless Team

01.01.17 2 months ago 8 Comments

From Ray Charles To Jimi Hendrix: How Seattle Helped Create R&B And Rock And Roll

01.01.17 2 months ago 6 Comments

‘Stop Crying And Fight Your Father’: ‘Seinfeld’ Writers Tell How Festivus Came To Be

and 12.23.16 2 months ago 12 Comments

The Lasting Impact Of Adidas Tearaway Pants On Hip-Hop And A Hoops Generation

12.08.16 2 months ago 2 Comments

Understanding The History And The Motivations Behind The Standing Rock Protests

12.02.16 3 months ago 6 Comments

How Do We Combat The Intensifying War On Science?

and 11.30.16 3 months ago 30 Comments

Exploring The Intersection Of Hip-Hop And Social Justice

and 11.30.16 3 months ago

From Near ‘Simpsons’ Spinoff To A Check Against Hollywood Ridiculousness: Why ‘The Critic’ Still Matters

11.29.16 3 months ago 25 Comments

Willie Nelson’s Love Affair With Weed Made Him An Outlaw And A Country Music Revolutionary

11.22.16 3 months ago 2 Comments

How ‘Above The Rim’ Merged Streetball And Hip-Hop To Make A Cautionary Tale About Choices

and 11.18.16 3 months ago 6 Comments

The Story Of The Fugees’ Bitter Breakup And Unforgettable Legacy

11.10.16 3 months ago 13 Comments