'The Conjuring' is 'based on a true story' because f*ck you, English

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02.27.13 45 Comments

There’s a trailer going around the web today for The Conjuring, a new horror movie from Saw and Insidious director James Wan, that’s rightly being buzzed about on account of being more than just the usual collection of creepy kids and loud noises and jump cuts. It shows very little, but manages to create actual tension. I give precious few f*cks about modern “horror” movies, but even I have to give this one credit for looking intriguing. Or at least competent.

Before there was Amityville, there was Harrisville. Based on a true story, “The Conjuring” tells the horrifying tale of how world-renowned paranormal investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren were called upon to help a family terrorized by a dark presence in a secluded farmhouse. Forced to confront a powerful demonic entity, the Warrens find themselves caught in the most terrifying case of their lives. [Apple]

Still, I can’t get past the 1:01 mark. “BASED ON A TRUE STORY.” Really? Right after a scene where a ghost pops out of a closet and claps? What part of a ‘true story’ was this based on? What possible meaning could the word “true” even have in this context? What is the point of this title card? Does it really contribute anything? The movie looks okay, but to me the most disturbing part of this trailer is watching them slowly murder English. This is language torture porn.

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Vince Mancini is a writer, comedian, and podcaster. A graduate of Columbia’s non-fiction MFA program, his work has appeared on FilmDrunk, the UPROXX network, the Portland Mercury, the East Bay Express, and all over his mom’s refrigerator.

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